Thursday, 15 December 2011

Peacock Dreams

I've recently just moved up the line for reasons i won't bore you with. But i've been very lucky in that i now reside in a nice house out in the Country to rest up in.

I moved in on a Saturday with the help of Simon and Alex and after a frantic night of unpacking and sorting we awoke to a beautiful crisp Sunday morning surrounded by rolling green fields and ancient trees and two bloody great Peacocks in the garden. They were so tame that they came right up to door and stood there watching us gawp at them, they even let Simon tease them with some nibbles.

Whilst feeding them myself and Simon were wondering and debating whether Peacocks could actually fly. Our questions and ponders were answered almost immediately by the neighbours dog bolting through the garden chasing them all over the shop and when the Peacocks had had enough they upped and flew away!

They's some funny looking birds up ere in the Country!

You and me

We still have time you and me
Time to grow, time to see
Time to be whatever we want to be

Written by Lloyd Burnard

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

The tree outside my window

In March you seemed old
Standing hard weathering the cold
Then Spring arrived and your life began to unfold
I've watched you grow and bare full fruit
I've watched winged friends help themselves and tend to you

Through Seasons and days untold
Through my window i have watched your windswept patrol
You have calmed me through my sleep
And helped me awake from slumbers so deep
You have kept my spirits bright
Aided me in fanciful adventures of flight

Now as Autumn moves to Winter you are there
Holding fort but standing bare
But please don't heed to worry my friend
For Spring is only around the bend

Then once again you shall be reborn
A beacon for life, a counsel for worry and strife

Written by Lloyd Burnard

Friday, 23 September 2011

Mongalloyd Goes Swimming

I'm in Ireland at the moment catching up with mates and having good adventures with so much laughing along the way. I love it out here, Mickey and Riv have been amazing letting me crash at theirs and as Rivs 7 months pregnant i am truly grateful, it can't be easy having a Monga in the house.

We've done some amazing walks, surfed a few amazing spots, got drunk twice (might be a third by the time you read this) and generally just enjoyed being in what can only be described as one of the most beautifully weird and wonderful places in the World.

Generally when Mickey and I get to hang out amazing adventures and stories are formed and cemented in the fabric of camp fire folklore, this trip I am happy to say is no different. Here's a little taste of what we've been up to.

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Rollerskating is back in!

After years of Public criticism and abuse my friends and I decided to hide our addiction to Rollerskating from the public domain, since then we have been skating in Helstons underground sewers, back allays and very dark night clubs where most Girls think we just float around the dance floor hovering above the usual riffraff, little do they know we wear wheels!!!!

Now a couple of our skating grooms have made the brave move to express themselves and their dependant life of Rollerskating to the World, not only in Public but on the World Wide Web, you crazy bastards! I have warned them that the World just isn't ready for such antics but I think they may prove me wrong, I'll let you judge!

Good work boys, i'm so proud of you...

You can view my original here.

Friday, 12 August 2011


We grew up in Cornwall and we drank in the same town
We grew up apart but we both felt Brotherly bound
He was my friend, my confidant my Brother in arms
I grew to love his heavenly charm and his way to not give a damn
I know we'll never be alone because we both played our dual part
Wils and I
The best friendship from the start, a friendship from the heart.

We saw you off in style my friend, save me a stool at the bar up there xxx

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Spotlight and Me

Well the nice people at the BBC liked my little film on Dolphins so much they wanted to use it on their primetime slot on BBC Southwest Spotlight. Well ever the one to crave attention I heartily agreed.

They asked if I could get to Newquay Airport and record a little voice over piece for them. I went, it rained, I got wet but it was worth it. Mothers some proud!

Lloyd Burnard, BBC Southwest Spotlight

Friday, 15 July 2011

Good Morning...

It's 0654am, I'm asleep, happy in the World of nod when I hear this noise, it sounds like my Mum shouting at me 'LLOYD LLOYD'. I stir but I just think i'm having a nightmare but it creeps in a second time, this time I awake to hear it load and clear 'LLOYD GET UP!'.

I stumble out of my room and Mums screaming 'There's Dolphins hundreds of them, quick get out there!'

With blurry eyes I look out the window straight into a mass of happy go lucky Dolphins, without saying a word I barge past my Mum and Dad and straight to the garage, my camera is clipped and housed within 2 minutes and my wetsuit is on and zipped within 3. Within 6 minutes i'm sprinting full pelt, kayak in tow, down to the beach.

Once there I paddle as fast as my little arms can manage the whole time keeping an eye on the pod of what looks like 30 or 40 Dolphins just playing around. I skim the outside of the pod just letting them work me out and then all of a sudden they're everywhere all around me going nuts and i'm in the middle laughing my tits off!

What a way to start the day!

In between paddling and laughing here's some of what I caught, thanks for waking me up Mum.

The outtakes from Black Beauty!

Some behind the scenes action from Black Beauty.

Friday, 24 June 2011

Black Beauty!

Well we had an amazing idea earlier to do some promotional shots for my lovely sponsors Slut, this is what we came up with...

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

A day at the Beach with Mickey

I had a good day helping Mickey out with some photos last week.

It mainly involved him shooting me acting like a Seal and the fool, both of which are hobbies of mine, so you can imagine I had good day. That coupled with the fact I haven't seen Mickey for almost eighteen Months. I literally smiled continuously for a good 12 hours!

Cheers for a good day Pard.

Sunday, 29 May 2011

My mate Alana

Ok, i've just had an amazing catch up with my good mate Alana. She has just informed me that she has created a relationship on you tube with someone called Alex.

Now this sounds ok, but when she informed me that she created a video for him, i just had to see it! Watch this, one hot crazy girl pretending to be on a first date with a man she's never met, if only all hot girls were so bold!

I love you Alana you crazy bitch!


Tuesday, 17 May 2011

The Kernow King!

For years I have believed that I am in a way, the King of Kernow.

I have circumnavigated Cornwall in the pursuit of fame, femme fatales and fans to build my Kingdom, which i believe one day will free Plymouth from the tyranny of the English and extend my Kingdom across the Tamar! But alas I have been mistaken! For today I met the true King of Kernow, Mr Edward Rowe!

The Kernow King is nothing short of a nice Cornish man, he smiles when he's meant to and laughs sometimes when he's not, he enjoys all things Cornwall, open spaces and girls from Camborne. He even brought up the topic of Dogging, which is something that greatly intrigues me and he was even nice enough to invite me round to his favourite spot to check out the local talent!

The Kernow King has shot to fame recently after winning a string of prizes for creating his own tourist video for Cornwall, in his haste to create something hilarious and fun he inadvertently created a mythical being that has won the hearts and minds of eight to eighty year olds the County over and one I am spell bound by!

We of course met in a suitable location, that being Slut Headquarters in Helston for our quick like minded bedazzling conversation on ideas for the future and everything Kernow and after awhile I felt happy that, if only for short period, Mr. Rowe can succeed my throne. Here's hoping that before I leave the Motherland of Kernow I can carry out some like minded adventures with the King.

Here's a little taste of The Kernow Kings talents and my personal favourite, get on Kernow King!

You can view more of his musings on his youtube page here.

Monday, 9 May 2011

Flora Day, Helston Saturday May 7th 2011

Where i'm from once a Year a nice town called Helston goes flipping nuts!

It's called Flora Day and has been a tradition for centuries, well no one really knows but it is a very long time. The reason for Flora Day is to celebrate the coming of Spring and of new life.

To celebrate this there are five dances through the town. Starting with the 7 o'clock  Morning Dance, followed by The Hal an Tow at 0830, the Childrens Dance at 1000, then the Midday Dance followed by the final dance of the day the 5 o'clock Evening Dance.

I was fortunate enough to be educated at a Primary School in Helston which means I am a part of a privileged few that have danced the Childrens Dance on a few occasions.

That was years ago, twenty to be exact! So when I had the idea to dance this year, I was a little dubious to say the least as to whether I would be accepted. You see you can't just rock up and dance on Flora Day, you have to write in to the appropriate person and they decide whether you are Helston enough to dance and as this is such a privilege out of education i.e, other than the Children's Dance, it is pretty hard to be accepted.

Thankfully myself, Stephanie Goldsworthy, Scott Whitfield and my Sister Elly were all excepted to dance the Morning and Evening dance. A real privilege and one we were all proud to be part of.

The one highlight that sticks out for me is as the evening dance was coming to it's end we turned onto the bottom of Wendron Street. You could see the open line for the band and the dancers and on either side there were thousands of people screaming, clapping, hanging off of lampposts, out of windows waving flags and just going absolutely nuts for us.

I was overwhelmed by the turn out and the atmosphere and just how amazing the town looked and as we danced our final steps into the Corn Exchange the band banged out they're last beats for this years celebrations and the crowd reached it's crescendo the noise became unbelievable and one I will never forget. Once inside the Corn Exchange the traditional Flora Day Thunder was rang out with all of us dancers stamping our feet and shouting as load as we could.

Being a lover of attention seeking i never wanted that last 30 minutes to end, it i was certainly something i will never forget and something i hope to do again, with the right permissions of course.

Coming up Wendron Street toward the Corn Exchange
for the last leg of the evening dance
Being a bit flamboyant isn't really allowed but i really
couldn't help myself, the excitement got the better of me

Dancing with Steph on the wet but still exciting morning

Having a well earned pint with from left to right Scott,
Steph, our dance leader, Fionn, myself, Elly and Sean

Dancing in the morning dance at the top of Meneage Street,
still a bit wet but still just as excited

Throwing some moves with my lovely Sister, Elly in the
evening dance

This is the Morning Dance, it was raining but i don't think any of us cared!

Thursday, 21 April 2011

Kernow adventures

There are a few things i have missed about Cornwall, one being the randomness of home!

The last week and a half has seen some of the best run of North coast swell i've seen for years, this resulted in myself, Rohan and Little Andy spending many hours driving around and surfing some of the best spots.

Whilst heading to a secluded spot we drove past a pile of toys on the side of the road, Rohan slammed on the brakes and what we found was some unwanted toys going for 20 pence a piece, bargain!

Cornwall is most definitely one unique place!

20 pence, what a bargain!

Our selection!

Rohan got a nice book about a little girl who
discovers Karma

Andy got a nice guitar! What a beauty, the guitar as well!

I treated myself to a Mickey Mouse keyring and a pack of
Super Heroe top trumps! Look how excited I am!

Monday, 18 April 2011

Bubbles and I and our day of destiny

Today was a good day for swell on the North coast of Cornwall but a bad day for my 6'4'' x 19'' x 2 3/8'' surfboard nicknamed, due to me getting drunk and drawing bubbles all over her deck, Bubbles.

Although I try to make a point of riding Leven surfboards, as they are the best I have ever ridden, I do have a few boards that I have purchased secondhand. I bought Bubbles about 3 years ago off of eBay for the bargain price of £150.

Her (I name her a her because it seems weird to imagine oneself riding a male surfboard), previous owner was a nice man from Bristol who with more money than sense, had bought her to go on holiday to the Canary Islands. He had only surfed Bubbles twice whilst away and on they're return his wife had put her foot down, telling him that the board goes or she does, lucky for me he chose the board, although his wife was very pretty and although I offered him the £150 for her, he declined, she did look a little to high maintenance to be honest.

I was very impressed with my purchase and myself and Bubbles have travelled together since. We've surfed together in Ireland, France, Fuerteventura and all over Cornwall and Wales many times. I have grown to learn Bubbles unique style and have grown fond of surfing with her, as with Humans boards can be just as individual, but today was to much for my mate Bubbles.

Myself and Ian Ridge paddled out at a certain spot somewhere on the North Coast of Cornwall at a very low tide. It was a bit windy but there were lines stacked to the horizon, it looked like a classic session with the added bonus that there was no one in and it looked solid.

After an hour or so in we had both scored some fun waves with the occasional barrel thrown in for good measure, all was going swimmingly until for about twenty minutes the tide turned and rips appeared everywhere, not necessarily a bad thing at this certain spot as it holds up the face a little longer for you to make it around sections or pull in.

As i paddled into position for the first wave of a set the rip went full steam and the face of the wave jumped, i dropped into the pocket getting a nice cover up instantly and stayed in a good position for what felt like a few seconds until the wave broke past the rip and raced ahead of me with no chance of pumping through the section, what followed was an almighty shut down and kicking.

When i finally surfaced I knew the board was snapped beyond repair, as i looked at Bubbles her nose was a full ninety degrees to her deck but before i had chance to grab her and check it out, I had the second set wave bearing down on me and with no chance to grab Bubbles, i hit the deck. When i surfaced from another good shoeing I grabbed what was left of Bubbles and made my way in looking for the other half.

Once in I said my farewells and collected the pieces and made my way back to the car, all be it amped for a good session I was a little disheartened that my good friend Bubbles had met her match.

Bubbles and I at Lev a few days ago
Bubbles and I on home turf, high tide Praa Sands 2009

Sorry old bean... will be missed.


Wednesday, 6 April 2011

The Olive Sea Snake

Wikipedia describes Olive Sea Snakes or Aipysurus Laevis, to use they're latin name, as

'One of the Sea Snakes in the species that are reported to be the most aggressive and the most venomous'

Well i don't know where they got they're facts from but myself and Aaron found them to be pretty inquisitive and cool. Although they have a mighty punch with they're venom, I think it would take a lot to upset the good old Sea Snake.

But don't take my word for it, see for yourself.

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Happy Days

Just been sifting through some images and sorting out some video footage from the last few Months in Australia, i've got some good stuff coming up.

These two images stuck out though and brought a smile to my face. We had heard of this beach through friends and I was keen to get away from the crowds of Margaret River so we bought an off road map and headed South looking for the track off the main road.

After a few hours of looking around and dominating some pretty amazing off road tracks we found our slice of Heaven. A deserted beach with Dolphins riding the waves and the Sun beating down on us.

What a great few days that was, just hanging out all day doing pretty much as little as possible between surfs and thanks to a little ingenuity hooking up my laptop and having cinema club in the evenings.

Cheers for the good company Fionn, Jono it wouldn't have been half as much fun without you guys.

Thursday, 24 March 2011

Musing on adventures had and contemplating ones to come

Yes i've been musing, again, over some of the amazing things i have seen and done over the last year and how I got to making that decision to leave my well paid job, the company car, my  house, my home and the security of Family and Friends and constant money coming in just for the sake of adventure.

Leaving that all behind was not an easy decision some of those are the things I cherish more than anything. In fact i'd go as far as to say that it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made.

But I made it and I know now that that decision was one of those decisions that has been the making of me.

I've had a nice day today with my Cousin Gemma, we are close having grown up together as best friends and like Brother and Sister we always used to hang out. We reminisced of our adventures as children and how we grew up in those times together when it always seemed sunny and neither of us could remember a day when it was raining. She now has a beautiful daughter Amelia who is her light and driving force in life and i am so proud of the strong Women she has become.

Gemma asked me the question in a roundabout way as to when I was likely to grow up, to which i stated, 'I have, I now know what I want and I want to be happy'.

She laughed and quoted me with what used to be my favourite saying as a young cocky teenager, 'I'm the real Peter Pan, I'm going to stay young forever!'.

As she was leaving I gave her my new mobile number and, much to my amusement, she created a contact under the name 'Peter Pan'.

I know that sometimes life can seem like an endless struggle and somethings can sometimes seem like they are taking control, just remember it is your life, those situations you think may be controlling you are only controlled by you.

Here's a couple of my videos for you to look at. I hope that at some point in the last year and in the future this blog has made and will continue to make you think and has more than anything put a smile on your face, because a Peter Pan who can't make you smile and seek adventure is more like a grumpy Captain Hook!

Catching some Rays

Whale Fish

When Whales meet

Monday, 21 March 2011

Home comings and goings!

Well, i've been home for about two weeks now. It's been a shock to the system but i'm finally settling back into the ebb and flow of life in Cornwall.

My flight back was hardly as adventurous as i hoped just a dull 26 hours of sitting, waiting, watching and every now and then drinking. When I did land in Heathrow i was greeted by typical English weather, a barmy 1 degree with cold winds from the North plus a little drizzle thrown in for good measure. Seeing as i hadn't been below 30 degrees for a whole year, it was hard to grasp at first and i had to be asked to leave the plane!

I was so shocked and brain dead that i didn't even notice my Dad, who had come to pick me up, sneaking up on me at Heathrows terminal 3 arrivals lounge, he literally scared the shit out of me. But as it had been exactly a whole year since we last saw each other it was so good to see him again. I didn't cry but I like to think my Dad and I are very close and it was nice to be back in his company. We drove the 4 hours or so South West to Cornwall, reminiscing along the way of times past and with me giving great detail on my adventures, although he had heard them a hundred times before, over the phone and reading this blog, he listened intently  and nodded in all the right places.

When we arrived home to surprise my Mum, who had no idea i was coming back, had decided to go shopping or something along those lines. With my ballon a little deflated I had to kick around for an hour waiting for her to return. When she did I hid in a spare room and snuck out on her whilst she had her back turned. I made no sound as I stood right behind her and as she turned around she was greeted by her youngest Son, who was meant to be 12,000 miles away in North West Australia, stood there all brown and blue eyed smiling from ear to ear. She obviously screamed and we had a good old hug and kiss, i had missed my Mum a lot as well. And over the next few hours I again went through my adventures of the last year and again even though she had heard them all before she listened intently and nodded in the right places, it was good to be home.

Since then it has been a roller coaster of fun and misadventure. I know one fact for sure, way to much alcohol has been consumed in the last two weeks and my body is craving warm waters and days of sun kissed paradise. That said it has been great coming home and seeing all my Friends and Family and having some classic catch ups along the way.

But I have been a bit melancholy today and have been watching some of my films that I put together over the last year.

Liquid LIfe is one of my favourites as it highlights the possibilities you find yourself in if you only carry out the adventures you seek. I remember every minute of filming all these amazing moments in the first few months of being in Exmouth WA and the people I was with and all of whom I miss very much and look forward to seeing you all again very soon.

Here's to you my Friends. x

Monday, 28 February 2011

The day metal met meat!

Whilst in Bali the other week it was decided that our whole crew should venture out of Kuta and head to Bali's Lotus Pond staging area, basically an absolutely beautiful location that was hundreds if not thousands of years old, to watch non other than Iron Maiden rock out on their Final Frontier World tour.

It was crazy from the moment we left the Hotel Arena in central Kuta with two taxis full to the brim with Kernows finest boozing it up and racing the streets to get us all there before we caused damage to the taxi and/or passing pedestrians.

As soon as we arrived it was full on Iron Maiden/Bali mayhem, with people bustling to get in and sell everything and anything even remotely Iron Maidenish. We sat and chilled to finish our beers and stick some Slut cock stickers on the massive Iron Maiden motif outside, much to the disappointment of the real fans, once finished defacing everything in sight we then headed in.

As soon as we entered there was an issue with Little Andy mumbling that he didn't have a ticket, this caused a bit of a problem as he would more than likely be raped if we left him outside, he's very cute. So Flea offered him his ticket with the idea that myself and Flea being cheeky little chappies and full of Worldly ways would blag Flea in. Andy didn't hang around to see if it did, as soon as he was through the gate he was off leaving Flea stranded with his only hope of entry being left with the blag and a silver tongued Lloyd.

After a repetitive argument with a huge bouncer that was at the same time as arguing with us trying to hold back an onslaught of free loading locals forcing entry through a massive side gate, there must have been a few hundred on the other side all pushing through. I saw my opportunity and lent in and said in the nicest tone i could muster over the din of screaming Balinese,

'Look mate, i can see your busy, i'm not being a blag but my mates a complete tit and he's lost his ticket, just give us a break!'

He looked over my shoulder at the lanky cute faced Flea and replied 'Go on then just fuck off!'

As we walked away high fiving, we heard the gate give way and god knows how many locals overran the poor bloke, maybe two blaggin Cornishman was just to much for him or maybe it was just one to many blaggin bastards before the levi broke!

Knowing we would all lose each other it was prearranged that we would all meet up as close to the front and middle of the stage as possible. This turned out to be very easy as Kernow folk, who are generally stumpy looking compared to most other races, are actually really tall compared to the Balinese!

Once together we caused mayhem up front. One thing that really struck me was that no one wanted to mosh, no one, no shit! No one! Iron Maiden and no mass mosh pit! Everyone other than us lot were more interested in taking pictures with cameras and phones and standing there nodding! Well that was until team Kernow got busy with the moshing!

It got out of hand pretty quick and everyone around us bailed out of the way and left the harder ones standing there getting a little teasy with us, which only heightened the feelings of carnage pumping through our veins!

On more than one occasion whilst having a breather i was pushed hard from behind by a persistent local, after the seventh push i didn't think twice i just picked him up and threw him into the middle of the pit with the boys leaping on him like hungry hyenas thirsty for new blood, god help him i thought, i hope he didn't have a camera, cause he won't now! I think i saw him awhile later crawl out of the middle somewhere to the left looking a little confused!

It did at some points though feel like we were moshing full on, throwing each other around and acting like complete idiots, going as hard as you can but at a Britney Spears Charity gig! Iron Maiden just couldn't pull it off in Bali.

It was an awesome night of carnage and good times with good mates, i don't reckon i would go to another Iron Maiden concert as it was a little disappointing, music and performance wise. It was like watching a load of Grandads trying to rock it out and leap around but unable to move to much in case a hip popped out or they dislocated a finger!

The band and the performance to a certain degree did remind me a lot of 'This is Spinal Tap'.

Iron Maiden TV advert... (hit full screen, bottom right)

This is Spinal Tap preview... (hit full screen, bottom right)

If you haven't seen 'This is Spinal Tap', you need to!

Saturday, 26 February 2011

Trans 7 - Koki Cilic (Junior Chef)

I've just got back from Sumatra and as well scoring some really fun waves and having some amazing adventures to Jennys and Banana Island I was luckily enough get invited to go on Trans 7's TV show, Koki Cilic (Junior Chef), a famous Indonesian Children's cooking show.

The show is massive in Indo and the presenter seems to be like a right Celebrity with everyone bussling to take photos of her, well it is Indo after all and the same thing happened to us lot on many occasion, most nights actually sitting on the beach when the local village would turn out with phones at the ready to take pictures of the crazy White people on their beach.

Anyway, whilst standing on the sidelines for sometime waiting for the cooking to finish so i can get a free feed and some attention the boys all seem to notice that i was up to something and that me being me a free feed and some attention was no doubt on the line, within minutes my solo attention spree had turned into a Kernow boys day out with Flea, Orch, Alex and Chris all jumping on the band wagon, i didn't mind though it made it all the more funnier that i wasn't the only non-speaking Indo person about to be asked my opinion on the cooking.

After the show was done the cameras were turned to us and as we all stood there, proud as punch in our Slut Clothing attire, we were offered crispy fried fish with chilli sauce. It wasn't to bad to be honest and i went back for seconds and even thirds when no one was looking!

After being served our food whilst all mumbling Bagus (Indo for good) with the cameras trained on us, they asked us to all stand in line with the presenter in front and shout the shows end strap line whilst waving our hands in the air, problem being none of us speak Indonesian and with twenty people screaming the strap line at us from all angles it was hard to work out what the hell they were on about!

After awhile it was worked out they should write it down and we could then pronounce it, Indonesian is pretty easy you basically speak what you read no silent letters, so with the words written down we all got into position and with cameras rolling we all screamed the amazing strap line, which i can't remember what it is in Indo but it translates to Good Kids Eat Well, or something along those lines. Pretty funny seeing as all the crazy White men they got to shout it were all wearing Slut t'shirts and holding Bintang beers behind their backs!

With our five minutes of fame done we were then grabbed as everyone wanted photos of us with the presenter, which to be honest being Cornwalls most attention seeking Male I was more than happy to oblige as to were the other boys.

We were all pretty amped about it after but even more so when we were recognised in Kuta, Bali about a week later for our five minutes of Indo fame!

If you like the t'shirts above, go get some at Slut Clothing, with free World wide delivery and some awesome tales of debauchery and mayhem they truly are a Clothing company for the future, go get yourself some bargains!

No doubt they will bring you lots of hard earned attention!

Thursday, 24 February 2011

So what have you been up to recently?

I have an apology, I haven't updated Mongamouth for a long time my last post being on the 6th December. But wait, don't be mad, i have excuses and some good ones...

I was drunk
I was working
I was driving
I was adventuring
I was surfing
I was chilling out with friends
I was, just plain and simple busy enjoying and living life

The last couple of months have been an insane progressive and fast pace compliment of movement and mayhem!

I left Exmouth in early January when after about two weeks of 45-50 degree heat and 80% humidity i'd had enough. As my good friend from home, Jonno Waite, was in Exmouth as well we loaded up the Poo Log and turned tail and bailed after saying our goodbyes to some amazing people and within a few hours of making the decision we were on the road.

We had no timetable other than meeting a couple more Kernow wingmen and a winglady in Perth, namely my Brother Louis, his lovely Girlfriend Abby and our surrogate brother Flea, we had no plans other than that, we just hit the road, slept when we were tired and ate when we were hungry. Our first stop was Kalbarri as it's reasonably cheap place to stop although a little out of the way we figured as it was Saturday night we should stop and see what the folks of Kalbarri were up to as it turned out they were having the local Firemans ball, obviously invite only but as Jonno and i are cheeky chappies we blagged our way in and had a good old laugh.

We carried on and stopped at some amazing locations on the way down, the one thing i love about North WA is that when your driving the Highway if you get a bit fed up you can pull over and with some serious off roading involved you can find the most beautiful spots to chill for a day or two, no hassle and no one around as long as you have a 4x4 your laughing.

We meet Louis, Abby and Flea in Perth and among other things enjoyed Margaret River and some of the secret surf spots down there, found interesting new spots and places to camp, hangout and just loved living life on the road. We also ran into some friends from Cornwall in Margs which turned into an amazing few days of fun and adventures.

We smashed up Big Day Out in Perth with myself and Flea causing some interesting reactions to crowd surfing over the top of thousands of people to Iggy Pop and Rammstein, the later being the most impressive live band i have ever seen, truly awe inspiring i felt sorry for the band that had to come on after that all mighty performance!

After Big Day Out and after a good Month or so cruising about the boys went their separate ways, Flea to Indo with Dan and Katy, Louis and Abs to the East coast and Jonno to somewhere in the middle of nowhere, i decided to follow Flea, Dan and Katy to Indo for a bit, more of that another time.

All in all, the last couple of Months after leaving Exmouth have been interesting with some of it pushing me to my limits. I've been so broke that a $1 feed isn't possible without the help of friends and other peoples good nature helping me through, i've driven thousands of Kilometres tired beyond my wits end, i've creased surf boards, damaged myself, nearly pierced my chest with my surfboard, crashed mopeds, passed out, fallen in sewers, lost money, been chased by sharks, hassled for everything i own and slept in random airports sharing the floor space with rats and good friends.

But they're mostly negative, some fun and most funny, I've also endeared sitting on deserted beaches surrounded by good friends, surfing my brains out, honed my off roading skills on some serious terrain, laughed with friends at nearly piercing my chest with the macho quote 'The average person would paddle in!', seen some of Earths most beautiful locations with my Brother, ran down sand dunes, fallen down dunes, walked on tropical islands, farmed coconuts, driven some of the most amazing beach locations WA has to offer with the boys on the roof laughing till they cry, shared some amazing times some drunk most actually but most just when your in your element with people you love and i've learned to be a little more patient with life.

I hope these excuses can justify my absence from Mongamouth and my guarantee that it was all done for you, my avid fans. I will be updating you all soon with some amazing stories, photos and videos from the last couple of Months, just bare with me.

Remember, getting out of your comfort zone is the only way to truly feel free, get out there and get some!

Monday, 6 December 2010

When Whales meet

I've been a lucky man recently. Not only have i got some amazing friends out here but they all seem to be into the same thing, all off which are Ocean based.

This particular day started with a plan to Scuba Dive out in the gulf of Exmouth with Clare, Esther, Inday and Dave to see what we could find. I was amped because it's an area renowned for Sharks and other big things and i've wanted to get out to this spot since i got here, with rumours of special moments being had there.

For over 30 minutes we cruised around but saw nothing spectacular and all though it can be amazingly invigorating to be down at depth and taking it all in, i do feel like i need something to share it with and my thoughts were gifted with something extremely rare.

We were graced by not only 2 but 4 male humpback Whales. They cruised in and checked us out and seeing what they liked they hung out with us for ages. We even tried to leave and they followed us, it was an amazing day in the water with all of us just amped with what was happening.

To be so close to such huge Whales and know that they are fully aware of you and what you are doing is something that is truly astonishing. These boys were there to show off and they put on one hell of a show, cruising right at us then diving and rolling right under our feet and thankfully i had my camera rolling the whole time!

Thursday, 25 November 2010

30 years in the brewing, now i'm ready for a sip!

I made it!

There have been some serious times when i have genuinely thought "you know what, i'm never gonna make it to 30 if i carry on like this!"

Times like when i got washed all the way down Anchor Point in Morocco without a breath, when i got PE in my right lung, when i overdosed on Viagra, when i've run into a 20 man fight to help a mate, when i was bottled, when i jumped Castle Rock at low tide, when i swam with sharks, when my Dad found cigarettes on me, when i crashed cars, when i shouted at my Mum, when myself, Dan and Adam had a sink the boat fight in the middle of a Shark filled Caribbean Ocean at night, the numerous times when i've paddled out when normal people would have stayed in, when my Sister punched me in the head and the many times when i've just gone too far!

It's always been in the back of my mind from a very young age that i probably won't make it to far, i've always had something in me that pushes the line and thankfully that line is very flexible. I have shocked myself and somehow i have scraped through to the big 30!

There isn't much i've done in my life so far that i regret, actually there's nothing, what ever i've done it's for a reason. Sometimes a selfish stupid reason but i think it's panned out alright.

At 30 i've...

loved and lost
lived and gained
cried and laughed
jumped and skipt
run and walked
drunk and drank
shouted and whispered
talked and stalked
shagged and gagged
fought and taught
missed and hit

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

The Real Porthleven Challenge 07!

A few years back a couple of good old Kenrow reprebates came up with the idea that building a ramp and jumping off it into shallow harbours would be a good idea.

After a massive night on the piss playing a game we made up called 'The Hot Off!', where you build a tremendously ferocious fire then proceed to see who can get the closest to it daring each other along the way to do things like tops off press ups, the splits and worst of all the back to the fire! That hurts!

Well, anyway. After all that an idea was hatched and created something rather funny, something that has carried on since and that i am proud to be a part of, The Real Porthleven Challenge!

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Turtle Touching Time

A few weeks ago I decided to go on an adventure and see if i could find some more Turtles' getting busy as the last footage i got of Turtles mating wasn't great quality.

I know it sounds a little perverted but Turtles getting down and doing the good thing on the wrong foot is quite a spectacular thing to witness as well as very amusing.

It surprises me that they manage to accomplish anything as they seem so out of control and it is always a constant struggle. I'm not sure if it's foreplay but the Female always seems reluctant, typical!

Anyway, i managed to get some amazing footage and thought that if i was a Turtle getting it on i would be grooving to the dulcet tones of Prince, When Doves Cry playing over and over in my head. Always a good one to get anyone in the mood!

Turtle Touching Time from lloyd burnard on Vimeo.

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Whaling Around!

Myself, Aaron and Ray were treated to a little show the other day. We were out cruising around in the Gulf on Aarons boat when we spotted a Humpback Whale and her calf just chilling out.

As we cautiously made our way toward them the Mum dived, as they sometimes do, but surprisingly the calf swam over to us to check us out and started showing off. Kids, they never do as they're told!

Mum was happy enough, she just stayed underneath our boat taking it all in and keeping an eye on us, she was probably happy we were baby sitting for awhile so she could have a rest.

We were going to get in the water and really experience it but my past experiences with Humpback Mums has taught me to keep away from their Children! Have a look at one of my previous posts for more on that, Whale Fish!

Whaling Around! from lloyd burnard on Vimeo.

For more footage of the amazing Marine life around Exmouth have a look at another previous post, Liquid Life.

Saturday, 6 November 2010


I've just been emailed some pretty funny photos from my mate Mickeys premier a few years ago. Thanks Riv.

Mickey is a fine young man who is very talented behind the lens as well as in front of it. I remember this premier as it was his first London fling and he invited a handful of us up to bask in his glory of creating a master piece of creativity and amazing surf footage from across the globe, plus nail all the free drinks we could get our hands on and stir up some corporate boffins.

It was an amazing mission getting to London as the premier was scheduled for a mid week showing so a few of us packed out a car with the intention of driving up and chilling out with Mickey, Riv and all the boys, who were already up there, and then driving back for work the next day.

I remember it being a full on traffic mission as we hit london at maximum rush hour and had to take it in turns to find secluded bushes to piss in as we negotiated the traffic lights and other road users. Rohan did an amazing open air mid park pee without anyone noticing whilst pretending to be in the phone, it was truly inspirational stuff!

We made it just in time for the premier where we were met by Mickey, Riv, Lowey, Ferg and loads of other Kernow reprobates that had made the effort for Mig.

The booze started flowing and as the event was sponsored and run by Relentless, part of the Coca Cola family, the booze was all free. Well you had to drink Relentless mixed drinks. If you haven't heard of Relentless it falls in the category of one of those really messed up energy drinks you see all the cool kids on street corners drinking whilst planning their next mugging.

As we watched Mickeys film and i browsed through the free hand outs and started drinking one of the new Relentless flavoured drinks, after three mouthfuls i started having an Asthma attack so i stopped that straight away.

The after party was a weird mix, obviously the Kernow boys were in full swing but amongst the banter were a load of city type folk that all worked for Coca Cola, including the main CC man in Europe. I made a point of telling him that Relentless is bullshit and that i had just had an Asthma attack after three sips, he didn't seemed phased so i tried to sell him some advertising ideas, like the one where i would be naked on the some high cliff somewhere surrounded by mauled naked ladies doing my lion impersonation whilst drinking from a can of Relentless, to say he wasn't into the idea is an understatement.

The night went on and my lift home back to Cornwall left as i decided that it would be inappropriate to leave such an inspirational night.

We ended up in Madam JoJos, which is an amazing transvestite club in Soho, but after some of the St Ives boys decided to start a fight for no reason and Ferg got told off for drinking water we decided to take our partying somewhere else and did we find the best party ever!

We ended up partying at a Deli in Soho till the early hours of the morning dancing the night away whilst the counter staff fed us watched our food fights and joined in with our mental ways. It was the best end to an amazing adventure with some bloody good mates and i thought i would just share it all with you now.

Thursday, 4 November 2010

Another November

November has always been a big Month for me with life changing decisions and circumstances presenting themselves throughout the Month.

Not only is it my Birthday Month but i've always noticed that November has always greeted me with something different than the other 11 Months and they are always situations unrelated to the Birthday experience.

I remember passing my Driving test in November, breaking up with girlfriends, coming across money, travelling, meeting inspiring people, moving in with girlfriends, moving out, starting jobs i actually want, being diagnosed with multiple Pulmonary Embolism, having operations and spending time in Hospitals to name only a few examples.

All of them have been trying and have grafted me to the person I am now, i'm not saying that nothing ever happens to me in the other Months of the year but it just seems more noticeable in November.

I know something will happen in the next four weeks that will change my prospective, situation and no doubt bring about change. I just wonder what the hell it's going to be and i just hope that it's a good thing!

On another note, i've started growing my Movember moustache, i've gone for the Mexican/Monga approach, maybe it'll be my lucky charm!