Monday, 6 December 2010

When Whales meet

I've been a lucky man recently. Not only have i got some amazing friends out here but they all seem to be into the same thing, all off which are Ocean based.

This particular day started with a plan to Scuba Dive out in the gulf of Exmouth with Clare, Esther, Inday and Dave to see what we could find. I was amped because it's an area renowned for Sharks and other big things and i've wanted to get out to this spot since i got here, with rumours of special moments being had there.

For over 30 minutes we cruised around but saw nothing spectacular and all though it can be amazingly invigorating to be down at depth and taking it all in, i do feel like i need something to share it with and my thoughts were gifted with something extremely rare.

We were graced by not only 2 but 4 male humpback Whales. They cruised in and checked us out and seeing what they liked they hung out with us for ages. We even tried to leave and they followed us, it was an amazing day in the water with all of us just amped with what was happening.

To be so close to such huge Whales and know that they are fully aware of you and what you are doing is something that is truly astonishing. These boys were there to show off and they put on one hell of a show, cruising right at us then diving and rolling right under our feet and thankfully i had my camera rolling the whole time!

Thursday, 25 November 2010

30 years in the brewing, now i'm ready for a sip!

I made it!

There have been some serious times when i have genuinely thought "you know what, i'm never gonna make it to 30 if i carry on like this!"

Times like when i got washed all the way down Anchor Point in Morocco without a breath, when i got PE in my right lung, when i overdosed on Viagra, when i've run into a 20 man fight to help a mate, when i was bottled, when i jumped Castle Rock at low tide, when i swam with sharks, when my Dad found cigarettes on me, when i crashed cars, when i shouted at my Mum, when myself, Dan and Adam had a sink the boat fight in the middle of a Shark filled Caribbean Ocean at night, the numerous times when i've paddled out when normal people would have stayed in, when my Sister punched me in the head and the many times when i've just gone too far!

It's always been in the back of my mind from a very young age that i probably won't make it to far, i've always had something in me that pushes the line and thankfully that line is very flexible. I have shocked myself and somehow i have scraped through to the big 30!

There isn't much i've done in my life so far that i regret, actually there's nothing, what ever i've done it's for a reason. Sometimes a selfish stupid reason but i think it's panned out alright.

At 30 i've...

loved and lost
lived and gained
cried and laughed
jumped and skipt
run and walked
drunk and drank
shouted and whispered
talked and stalked
shagged and gagged
fought and taught
missed and hit

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

The Real Porthleven Challenge 07!

A few years back a couple of good old Kenrow reprebates came up with the idea that building a ramp and jumping off it into shallow harbours would be a good idea.

After a massive night on the piss playing a game we made up called 'The Hot Off!', where you build a tremendously ferocious fire then proceed to see who can get the closest to it daring each other along the way to do things like tops off press ups, the splits and worst of all the back to the fire! That hurts!

Well, anyway. After all that an idea was hatched and created something rather funny, something that has carried on since and that i am proud to be a part of, The Real Porthleven Challenge!

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Turtle Touching Time

A few weeks ago I decided to go on an adventure and see if i could find some more Turtles' getting busy as the last footage i got of Turtles mating wasn't great quality.

I know it sounds a little perverted but Turtles getting down and doing the good thing on the wrong foot is quite a spectacular thing to witness as well as very amusing.

It surprises me that they manage to accomplish anything as they seem so out of control and it is always a constant struggle. I'm not sure if it's foreplay but the Female always seems reluctant, typical!

Anyway, i managed to get some amazing footage and thought that if i was a Turtle getting it on i would be grooving to the dulcet tones of Prince, When Doves Cry playing over and over in my head. Always a good one to get anyone in the mood!

Turtle Touching Time from lloyd burnard on Vimeo.

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Whaling Around!

Myself, Aaron and Ray were treated to a little show the other day. We were out cruising around in the Gulf on Aarons boat when we spotted a Humpback Whale and her calf just chilling out.

As we cautiously made our way toward them the Mum dived, as they sometimes do, but surprisingly the calf swam over to us to check us out and started showing off. Kids, they never do as they're told!

Mum was happy enough, she just stayed underneath our boat taking it all in and keeping an eye on us, she was probably happy we were baby sitting for awhile so she could have a rest.

We were going to get in the water and really experience it but my past experiences with Humpback Mums has taught me to keep away from their Children! Have a look at one of my previous posts for more on that, Whale Fish!

Whaling Around! from lloyd burnard on Vimeo.

For more footage of the amazing Marine life around Exmouth have a look at another previous post, Liquid Life.

Saturday, 6 November 2010


I've just been emailed some pretty funny photos from my mate Mickeys premier a few years ago. Thanks Riv.

Mickey is a fine young man who is very talented behind the lens as well as in front of it. I remember this premier as it was his first London fling and he invited a handful of us up to bask in his glory of creating a master piece of creativity and amazing surf footage from across the globe, plus nail all the free drinks we could get our hands on and stir up some corporate boffins.

It was an amazing mission getting to London as the premier was scheduled for a mid week showing so a few of us packed out a car with the intention of driving up and chilling out with Mickey, Riv and all the boys, who were already up there, and then driving back for work the next day.

I remember it being a full on traffic mission as we hit london at maximum rush hour and had to take it in turns to find secluded bushes to piss in as we negotiated the traffic lights and other road users. Rohan did an amazing open air mid park pee without anyone noticing whilst pretending to be in the phone, it was truly inspirational stuff!

We made it just in time for the premier where we were met by Mickey, Riv, Lowey, Ferg and loads of other Kernow reprobates that had made the effort for Mig.

The booze started flowing and as the event was sponsored and run by Relentless, part of the Coca Cola family, the booze was all free. Well you had to drink Relentless mixed drinks. If you haven't heard of Relentless it falls in the category of one of those really messed up energy drinks you see all the cool kids on street corners drinking whilst planning their next mugging.

As we watched Mickeys film and i browsed through the free hand outs and started drinking one of the new Relentless flavoured drinks, after three mouthfuls i started having an Asthma attack so i stopped that straight away.

The after party was a weird mix, obviously the Kernow boys were in full swing but amongst the banter were a load of city type folk that all worked for Coca Cola, including the main CC man in Europe. I made a point of telling him that Relentless is bullshit and that i had just had an Asthma attack after three sips, he didn't seemed phased so i tried to sell him some advertising ideas, like the one where i would be naked on the some high cliff somewhere surrounded by mauled naked ladies doing my lion impersonation whilst drinking from a can of Relentless, to say he wasn't into the idea is an understatement.

The night went on and my lift home back to Cornwall left as i decided that it would be inappropriate to leave such an inspirational night.

We ended up in Madam JoJos, which is an amazing transvestite club in Soho, but after some of the St Ives boys decided to start a fight for no reason and Ferg got told off for drinking water we decided to take our partying somewhere else and did we find the best party ever!

We ended up partying at a Deli in Soho till the early hours of the morning dancing the night away whilst the counter staff fed us watched our food fights and joined in with our mental ways. It was the best end to an amazing adventure with some bloody good mates and i thought i would just share it all with you now.

Thursday, 4 November 2010

Another November

November has always been a big Month for me with life changing decisions and circumstances presenting themselves throughout the Month.

Not only is it my Birthday Month but i've always noticed that November has always greeted me with something different than the other 11 Months and they are always situations unrelated to the Birthday experience.

I remember passing my Driving test in November, breaking up with girlfriends, coming across money, travelling, meeting inspiring people, moving in with girlfriends, moving out, starting jobs i actually want, being diagnosed with multiple Pulmonary Embolism, having operations and spending time in Hospitals to name only a few examples.

All of them have been trying and have grafted me to the person I am now, i'm not saying that nothing ever happens to me in the other Months of the year but it just seems more noticeable in November.

I know something will happen in the next four weeks that will change my prospective, situation and no doubt bring about change. I just wonder what the hell it's going to be and i just hope that it's a good thing!

On another note, i've started growing my Movember moustache, i've gone for the Mexican/Monga approach, maybe it'll be my lucky charm!

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

My friend Laura Newbury...

My mate Laura is, although she would never admit it, a very talented lady with pretty much everything she does. She has a talent that is missed by most in that she can see beauty at every turn and has made it her ambition to document it for all those non-believers.

Her blog site is an amazing category of enlightening stories and beautiful images and videos.

She spent some time in Australia last year and i'm looking forward to catching up with her when she is out here next year. She is flying in to the East coast at some point but i'm going to get her and drag her to WA as soon as possible and show her some proper Ozzy weirdness!

You can see some of her talented ramblings at rainbowsendinwishingwells but for a taste this is her most recent scribe on life.

chronicles of nowhereabouts. from laura newbury on Vimeo.

Here's to you LN and thanks for being my favourite FB chat mate. xxx

Friday, 29 October 2010

I've just come across this on my fellow Kernow reprobate Jack Johns blogsite, just loved it so i thought i would share it with you as well.

His blogsite has some other interesting things on it as well, well worth a look. Heirstoall

Foals - Blue Blood from Blink on Vimeo.

Thursday, 28 October 2010

Slut Clothing

I've been a lucky boy recently. My friends and mighty nice sponsors at Slut Clothing have sent me a few new items and some abusive stickers to lighten up even the most serious of situations like cop cars, public informations signs and old people when they're not looking.

I've yet to use them to there full extent but i have plans and photo evidence will be available soon. I just have to find a drunk old local that doesn't think i'm gay when I slap a big cock sticker on they're back without them realising and then proceed to take elaborate photos of them in awkward situations/positions, pretty hard in Exmouth i must say, but i will win through! Just don't try this idea at home as old people can easily be mistaken for weak and feeble but they are certainly not all like that!

Besides that, I do genuinely feel privileged to be part of the Slut crew along with some pretty hefty World renowned names and I wear my Slut colours with pride at every possible moment.

But you should all know that they have some mighty fine t'shirts, hoodies, jumpers and apple catchers (undies) as well as loads of other bits and bobs for you all to flaunt your stuff in plus the added bonus of free World wide delivery, not bad if i don't say so myself!

Anyway, go and check out the website. It's not all about the clothing though they have some pretty damn good lifestyle sections to. Click here to view Sluts website.

Cheers to the guys at Slut for the last parcel, keep em' coming!

Monday, 25 October 2010


Dan has recently got himself a new friend, she is called Kara and is one cute little bitch!

She can be a little tease sometimes and loves to bite but Dan loves her and I think she is pretty damn cool!

We took her down to the beach today, it took a bit but we got her in the water, although she wasn't very happy about it. She was pretty excited to be on the beach though and after half an hour of running around she needed a little snooze, bless her!

Nesting Turtles

Exmouth is one amazing place the last few nights have brought an amazing full Moon that was an awesome sight but not the only spectacular thing happening.

Along with the full Moon the local Turtles all make the mad rush up the West side beaches to lay their eggs. A few of us went down to check it out, the rules are pretty strict about how you act around them.

I know what your all thinking but no, your not allowed to ride them. Although my mate Jake really wanted to and it took a lot of convincing to stop him!

Saturday, 23 October 2010

Sorry Aaron

Being my friend sometimes isn't easy. I can be a handful and at times can go to far, which can be funny and create a laugh but can also be painful for my friends. Sorry Aaron but you were in a masochist mood and I was just trying to help you out with that!


Sorry Aaron from lloyd burnard on Vimeo.

Monday, 18 October 2010

Off the beaten track!

Now the Poo Log is up in Exmouth i thought it was appropriate to take it for an off road adventure. Myself, Luke, Dan and Katy decided a day driving through gorges and beaches was to be had.

Off the beaten track! from lloyd burnard on Vimeo.

Sunday, 17 October 2010

Warroora Station

After being back in Exmouth for only a few days since my jaunt to Perth I decided to try out my new friend, Poo Log, at Warroora (pronounced Warra) homestead station a few hours South. There is tale of a few amazing surf breaks there so i was hoping for a good couple of days in the water as the charts all be it a bit small showed some potential.

I tried to round up a couple of mates to join me but everyone was working or to busy to jump town for a couple of days. So it was just me and Poo Log, who if you haven't been keeping track of this blog is a 1985 HJ60 Toyota Land Cruiser.

I left Exmouth at 0630 and arrived in good time to pay the not so hefty price tag of $15, $7.50 a night. I did have one worry though to stay at some homesteads in WA you have to have a portable chemical toilet as there are no facilities what so ever, no toilets, no water, no electricity nothing at all. Well this was a bit of problem as i don't own a chemical toilet and because my plan to leave town was so last minute, the night before, i had no chance to borrow one. So i had to blag it which turned out pretty easy.

I pulled up at the homestead office and was greeted by a bewildered old bush man who was staring at his makeshift reception table and to be honest had the look about him that he wasn't quite sure how he got there or why the hell i was there. After a hardy handshake he asked if i had a toilet i just laughed and said of course what idiot goes to a homestead and doesn't. He didn't laugh he just grumbled away and demanded $15 which i was more than happy to hand over in exchange for two nights and a mud map of the homestead so i wouldn't get lost. I asked if there was any other campers on site to which he replied no and carried on staring at the table with the upmost interest.

So i was off, i drove along for some time just darting around the 4x4 tracks having a great time and putting Poo Log through it's paces. I wasn't to sure where i was going or where i wanted to camp that was until i stumbled across "The Lagoon'. A white sand beach with crystal clear water, i lowered the pressure in Poo Logs tyres and drove down the beach till i got to the far point where there was evidence of previous camp activity. I decided that i would camp here for the first night as i was able to park up about 5 metres from the Indian Ocean and it was the most idilic and peaceful place i have ever stumbled across.

I adventured around a bit more doing some pretty steep and serious off road tracks which Poo Log just ate up and relished, i found beaches covered in bright yellow crabs that were as camera shy as big foot and reef/beach breaks that showed some good potential even in the small swell.

I camped out that night and was joined late in the evening by a nice couple Peter and Liz Upton who were nice enough to cook me dinner and share some funny stories with. The next morning the swell had started to hit so i went exploring and found a couple of good reef breaks that looked near impossible to access without a boat or a bloody great fall off a cliff, i scored a small left hander but not for long as the wind picked up and WA being WA made a bit of a mess of it. I decided to do a bit more exploring further North of where i was and found some seriously good breaks and some beautiful beaches that were completely untouched. I found some amazing 4x4 off road tracks through soft massive sand dunes which Poo Log again lapped up and i only got bogged two or three times, which was my own fault and not the Poo Logs but it was easy enough to get out and carry on.

I set up camp for the second night at another beautiful beach called 14 mile, there were a few old couples down there all with their caravans and all the gear, but i found a secluded spot no more than 10 metres from the ocean and settled in. After a few hours though the wind hadn't dropped off and was almost gale force and i made the decision to head back to Exmouth before it got dark.

I can hand on heart say that Warroora is one of the most amazing places i have ever been to and i will be heading back there as soon as possible. The potential for good waves and good times is very evident and i can't wait to spend some more quality time there soon.

Here's a few photos...

The Lagoon, the bottom right corner is where i camped.

Exploring Warroora

14 Mile Beach

Monday, 11 October 2010

Long Lashes Liam

Long Lashes Liam
Was a boy of Fourteen
Very straight and very lean
But not all was well and not all could be seen

His lashes were long and his head was bald
For Liam was different but not at all mauled
His eyes so blue, so telling and true

He would try to eat food but would end up in a fowl mood
Every meal would feel like a test before the clean up of all that mess
With Burgers and Bananas caught in his lashes
It was a wonder why he never wore safety glasses

His Mother would cry
'Oh, Long Lashes Liam why are you so different. You were born with lashes as long as a cows, we just don't why and we just don't know how!'

Long Lashes Liam would reply
'But Mother is there nothing we can do, no Doctor, no Surgeon you could take me to?'

For all the Doctors in the land had been and seen our young lad
All had left bemused and feeling rather sad
Nothing could be done for Long Lashes Liam
No operation, surgery and no one else to see him
He was left alone with his own feelings

Then one day when enough was enough
Liam grabbed them by their scruff and pulled and pulled till his eyes felt rough
He pulled so hard hair began sprouting on his head
A miracle it was they all said
He pulled so hard his eye brows sprouted
A sight he nearly doubted

He pulled some more till the length of his lashes
Became nothing more than small little dashes

Now Long Lashes Liam is no longer
His lashes normal, his head of hair, his bushy brows they are all there
No need to look no need to stare
For Liam is normal no longer with his flair of rare hair

Written by Lloyd Burnard

Onen hag Oll, Kernow bys vyckan!

Onen hag Oll, Kernow bys vyckan! One and all, Cornwall forever!

I'm not one to be Politically motivated and I never really want to push whatever Political views I may have onto anyone. But recent news from home has stirred me up a bit.

I am Cornish, no matter where I am and who I am talking to I always make a point of correcting them if they say I am English, or as it happens right now in Australia a 'Pom!' I was born and bred in Cornwall and have roots that span many generations. I am Cornish and I am very proud of it.

I have always held onto the view that Cornwall should be ruled by the Cornish and not by London, Westminster. I feel we should have been united many years ago very much like the Welsh and Scottish have been able to do and create our own Parliament. But I also realise that this is easier said than done. Cornwall has for to long been the playground for the English rich and with the ever decreasing number of the young Cornish generations being able to stay in Cornwall and create a life for themselves due to ever increasing house prices, lack of career orientated jobs and the ever increasing amount of Emit (holiday makers) bullshit we have to put up with it scares me to think that Cornwall is slowly being choked of it culture and distinctiveness to suit other cultures' needs.

I feel that Cornwall has been ignored by England and it is being neglected by it's own people. We should be fighting to keep our Culture alive. Schools should be teaching the Cornish language, Cornish people should speak up and fight for what is rightfully theirs and London should be paying attention to Cornwalls Political and Economical abilities.

The problem is that us Cornish are a carefree bunch, we bumble along happy in the knowledge that we are unique and that we are recognised as such, well England doesn't recognise us and i am asking you all to do a little research into Cornwall so you know where i come from and why i am slightly different... click here

The reason for this post is it seems that the English Government has decided it wants to merge parts of Devon and Cornwall, two very different areas with their own unique Cultures. This would undermine Cornish heritage and lead the way to breaking Cornwall apart. Even if you are not Cornish or living in Cornwall I ask you to just take a minute to write a comment on this site...

Keep Cornwall Whole

Merastawhye ha comero weeth na ra whye gara an vorr goth rag an vorr noweth coweth wheag.
Thank you and take care that you don't leave the old road for the new road dear friend.