Monday, 28 February 2011

The day metal met meat!

Whilst in Bali the other week it was decided that our whole crew should venture out of Kuta and head to Bali's Lotus Pond staging area, basically an absolutely beautiful location that was hundreds if not thousands of years old, to watch non other than Iron Maiden rock out on their Final Frontier World tour.

It was crazy from the moment we left the Hotel Arena in central Kuta with two taxis full to the brim with Kernows finest boozing it up and racing the streets to get us all there before we caused damage to the taxi and/or passing pedestrians.

As soon as we arrived it was full on Iron Maiden/Bali mayhem, with people bustling to get in and sell everything and anything even remotely Iron Maidenish. We sat and chilled to finish our beers and stick some Slut cock stickers on the massive Iron Maiden motif outside, much to the disappointment of the real fans, once finished defacing everything in sight we then headed in.

As soon as we entered there was an issue with Little Andy mumbling that he didn't have a ticket, this caused a bit of a problem as he would more than likely be raped if we left him outside, he's very cute. So Flea offered him his ticket with the idea that myself and Flea being cheeky little chappies and full of Worldly ways would blag Flea in. Andy didn't hang around to see if it did, as soon as he was through the gate he was off leaving Flea stranded with his only hope of entry being left with the blag and a silver tongued Lloyd.

After a repetitive argument with a huge bouncer that was at the same time as arguing with us trying to hold back an onslaught of free loading locals forcing entry through a massive side gate, there must have been a few hundred on the other side all pushing through. I saw my opportunity and lent in and said in the nicest tone i could muster over the din of screaming Balinese,

'Look mate, i can see your busy, i'm not being a blag but my mates a complete tit and he's lost his ticket, just give us a break!'

He looked over my shoulder at the lanky cute faced Flea and replied 'Go on then just fuck off!'

As we walked away high fiving, we heard the gate give way and god knows how many locals overran the poor bloke, maybe two blaggin Cornishman was just to much for him or maybe it was just one to many blaggin bastards before the levi broke!

Knowing we would all lose each other it was prearranged that we would all meet up as close to the front and middle of the stage as possible. This turned out to be very easy as Kernow folk, who are generally stumpy looking compared to most other races, are actually really tall compared to the Balinese!

Once together we caused mayhem up front. One thing that really struck me was that no one wanted to mosh, no one, no shit! No one! Iron Maiden and no mass mosh pit! Everyone other than us lot were more interested in taking pictures with cameras and phones and standing there nodding! Well that was until team Kernow got busy with the moshing!

It got out of hand pretty quick and everyone around us bailed out of the way and left the harder ones standing there getting a little teasy with us, which only heightened the feelings of carnage pumping through our veins!

On more than one occasion whilst having a breather i was pushed hard from behind by a persistent local, after the seventh push i didn't think twice i just picked him up and threw him into the middle of the pit with the boys leaping on him like hungry hyenas thirsty for new blood, god help him i thought, i hope he didn't have a camera, cause he won't now! I think i saw him awhile later crawl out of the middle somewhere to the left looking a little confused!

It did at some points though feel like we were moshing full on, throwing each other around and acting like complete idiots, going as hard as you can but at a Britney Spears Charity gig! Iron Maiden just couldn't pull it off in Bali.

It was an awesome night of carnage and good times with good mates, i don't reckon i would go to another Iron Maiden concert as it was a little disappointing, music and performance wise. It was like watching a load of Grandads trying to rock it out and leap around but unable to move to much in case a hip popped out or they dislocated a finger!

The band and the performance to a certain degree did remind me a lot of 'This is Spinal Tap'.

Iron Maiden TV advert... (hit full screen, bottom right)

This is Spinal Tap preview... (hit full screen, bottom right)

If you haven't seen 'This is Spinal Tap', you need to!

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