Thursday, 25 November 2010

30 years in the brewing, now i'm ready for a sip!

I made it!

There have been some serious times when i have genuinely thought "you know what, i'm never gonna make it to 30 if i carry on like this!"

Times like when i got washed all the way down Anchor Point in Morocco without a breath, when i got PE in my right lung, when i overdosed on Viagra, when i've run into a 20 man fight to help a mate, when i was bottled, when i jumped Castle Rock at low tide, when i swam with sharks, when my Dad found cigarettes on me, when i crashed cars, when i shouted at my Mum, when myself, Dan and Adam had a sink the boat fight in the middle of a Shark filled Caribbean Ocean at night, the numerous times when i've paddled out when normal people would have stayed in, when my Sister punched me in the head and the many times when i've just gone too far!

It's always been in the back of my mind from a very young age that i probably won't make it to far, i've always had something in me that pushes the line and thankfully that line is very flexible. I have shocked myself and somehow i have scraped through to the big 30!

There isn't much i've done in my life so far that i regret, actually there's nothing, what ever i've done it's for a reason. Sometimes a selfish stupid reason but i think it's panned out alright.

At 30 i've...

loved and lost
lived and gained
cried and laughed
jumped and skipt
run and walked
drunk and drank
shouted and whispered
talked and stalked
shagged and gagged
fought and taught
missed and hit

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

The Real Porthleven Challenge 07!

A few years back a couple of good old Kenrow reprebates came up with the idea that building a ramp and jumping off it into shallow harbours would be a good idea.

After a massive night on the piss playing a game we made up called 'The Hot Off!', where you build a tremendously ferocious fire then proceed to see who can get the closest to it daring each other along the way to do things like tops off press ups, the splits and worst of all the back to the fire! That hurts!

Well, anyway. After all that an idea was hatched and created something rather funny, something that has carried on since and that i am proud to be a part of, The Real Porthleven Challenge!

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Turtle Touching Time

A few weeks ago I decided to go on an adventure and see if i could find some more Turtles' getting busy as the last footage i got of Turtles mating wasn't great quality.

I know it sounds a little perverted but Turtles getting down and doing the good thing on the wrong foot is quite a spectacular thing to witness as well as very amusing.

It surprises me that they manage to accomplish anything as they seem so out of control and it is always a constant struggle. I'm not sure if it's foreplay but the Female always seems reluctant, typical!

Anyway, i managed to get some amazing footage and thought that if i was a Turtle getting it on i would be grooving to the dulcet tones of Prince, When Doves Cry playing over and over in my head. Always a good one to get anyone in the mood!

Turtle Touching Time from lloyd burnard on Vimeo.

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Whaling Around!

Myself, Aaron and Ray were treated to a little show the other day. We were out cruising around in the Gulf on Aarons boat when we spotted a Humpback Whale and her calf just chilling out.

As we cautiously made our way toward them the Mum dived, as they sometimes do, but surprisingly the calf swam over to us to check us out and started showing off. Kids, they never do as they're told!

Mum was happy enough, she just stayed underneath our boat taking it all in and keeping an eye on us, she was probably happy we were baby sitting for awhile so she could have a rest.

We were going to get in the water and really experience it but my past experiences with Humpback Mums has taught me to keep away from their Children! Have a look at one of my previous posts for more on that, Whale Fish!

Whaling Around! from lloyd burnard on Vimeo.

For more footage of the amazing Marine life around Exmouth have a look at another previous post, Liquid Life.

Saturday, 6 November 2010


I've just been emailed some pretty funny photos from my mate Mickeys premier a few years ago. Thanks Riv.

Mickey is a fine young man who is very talented behind the lens as well as in front of it. I remember this premier as it was his first London fling and he invited a handful of us up to bask in his glory of creating a master piece of creativity and amazing surf footage from across the globe, plus nail all the free drinks we could get our hands on and stir up some corporate boffins.

It was an amazing mission getting to London as the premier was scheduled for a mid week showing so a few of us packed out a car with the intention of driving up and chilling out with Mickey, Riv and all the boys, who were already up there, and then driving back for work the next day.

I remember it being a full on traffic mission as we hit london at maximum rush hour and had to take it in turns to find secluded bushes to piss in as we negotiated the traffic lights and other road users. Rohan did an amazing open air mid park pee without anyone noticing whilst pretending to be in the phone, it was truly inspirational stuff!

We made it just in time for the premier where we were met by Mickey, Riv, Lowey, Ferg and loads of other Kernow reprobates that had made the effort for Mig.

The booze started flowing and as the event was sponsored and run by Relentless, part of the Coca Cola family, the booze was all free. Well you had to drink Relentless mixed drinks. If you haven't heard of Relentless it falls in the category of one of those really messed up energy drinks you see all the cool kids on street corners drinking whilst planning their next mugging.

As we watched Mickeys film and i browsed through the free hand outs and started drinking one of the new Relentless flavoured drinks, after three mouthfuls i started having an Asthma attack so i stopped that straight away.

The after party was a weird mix, obviously the Kernow boys were in full swing but amongst the banter were a load of city type folk that all worked for Coca Cola, including the main CC man in Europe. I made a point of telling him that Relentless is bullshit and that i had just had an Asthma attack after three sips, he didn't seemed phased so i tried to sell him some advertising ideas, like the one where i would be naked on the some high cliff somewhere surrounded by mauled naked ladies doing my lion impersonation whilst drinking from a can of Relentless, to say he wasn't into the idea is an understatement.

The night went on and my lift home back to Cornwall left as i decided that it would be inappropriate to leave such an inspirational night.

We ended up in Madam JoJos, which is an amazing transvestite club in Soho, but after some of the St Ives boys decided to start a fight for no reason and Ferg got told off for drinking water we decided to take our partying somewhere else and did we find the best party ever!

We ended up partying at a Deli in Soho till the early hours of the morning dancing the night away whilst the counter staff fed us watched our food fights and joined in with our mental ways. It was the best end to an amazing adventure with some bloody good mates and i thought i would just share it all with you now.

Thursday, 4 November 2010

Another November

November has always been a big Month for me with life changing decisions and circumstances presenting themselves throughout the Month.

Not only is it my Birthday Month but i've always noticed that November has always greeted me with something different than the other 11 Months and they are always situations unrelated to the Birthday experience.

I remember passing my Driving test in November, breaking up with girlfriends, coming across money, travelling, meeting inspiring people, moving in with girlfriends, moving out, starting jobs i actually want, being diagnosed with multiple Pulmonary Embolism, having operations and spending time in Hospitals to name only a few examples.

All of them have been trying and have grafted me to the person I am now, i'm not saying that nothing ever happens to me in the other Months of the year but it just seems more noticeable in November.

I know something will happen in the next four weeks that will change my prospective, situation and no doubt bring about change. I just wonder what the hell it's going to be and i just hope that it's a good thing!

On another note, i've started growing my Movember moustache, i've gone for the Mexican/Monga approach, maybe it'll be my lucky charm!

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

My friend Laura Newbury...

My mate Laura is, although she would never admit it, a very talented lady with pretty much everything she does. She has a talent that is missed by most in that she can see beauty at every turn and has made it her ambition to document it for all those non-believers.

Her blog site is an amazing category of enlightening stories and beautiful images and videos.

She spent some time in Australia last year and i'm looking forward to catching up with her when she is out here next year. She is flying in to the East coast at some point but i'm going to get her and drag her to WA as soon as possible and show her some proper Ozzy weirdness!

You can see some of her talented ramblings at rainbowsendinwishingwells but for a taste this is her most recent scribe on life.

chronicles of nowhereabouts. from laura newbury on Vimeo.

Here's to you LN and thanks for being my favourite FB chat mate. xxx