Monday, 28 February 2011

The day metal met meat!

Whilst in Bali the other week it was decided that our whole crew should venture out of Kuta and head to Bali's Lotus Pond staging area, basically an absolutely beautiful location that was hundreds if not thousands of years old, to watch non other than Iron Maiden rock out on their Final Frontier World tour.

It was crazy from the moment we left the Hotel Arena in central Kuta with two taxis full to the brim with Kernows finest boozing it up and racing the streets to get us all there before we caused damage to the taxi and/or passing pedestrians.

As soon as we arrived it was full on Iron Maiden/Bali mayhem, with people bustling to get in and sell everything and anything even remotely Iron Maidenish. We sat and chilled to finish our beers and stick some Slut cock stickers on the massive Iron Maiden motif outside, much to the disappointment of the real fans, once finished defacing everything in sight we then headed in.

As soon as we entered there was an issue with Little Andy mumbling that he didn't have a ticket, this caused a bit of a problem as he would more than likely be raped if we left him outside, he's very cute. So Flea offered him his ticket with the idea that myself and Flea being cheeky little chappies and full of Worldly ways would blag Flea in. Andy didn't hang around to see if it did, as soon as he was through the gate he was off leaving Flea stranded with his only hope of entry being left with the blag and a silver tongued Lloyd.

After a repetitive argument with a huge bouncer that was at the same time as arguing with us trying to hold back an onslaught of free loading locals forcing entry through a massive side gate, there must have been a few hundred on the other side all pushing through. I saw my opportunity and lent in and said in the nicest tone i could muster over the din of screaming Balinese,

'Look mate, i can see your busy, i'm not being a blag but my mates a complete tit and he's lost his ticket, just give us a break!'

He looked over my shoulder at the lanky cute faced Flea and replied 'Go on then just fuck off!'

As we walked away high fiving, we heard the gate give way and god knows how many locals overran the poor bloke, maybe two blaggin Cornishman was just to much for him or maybe it was just one to many blaggin bastards before the levi broke!

Knowing we would all lose each other it was prearranged that we would all meet up as close to the front and middle of the stage as possible. This turned out to be very easy as Kernow folk, who are generally stumpy looking compared to most other races, are actually really tall compared to the Balinese!

Once together we caused mayhem up front. One thing that really struck me was that no one wanted to mosh, no one, no shit! No one! Iron Maiden and no mass mosh pit! Everyone other than us lot were more interested in taking pictures with cameras and phones and standing there nodding! Well that was until team Kernow got busy with the moshing!

It got out of hand pretty quick and everyone around us bailed out of the way and left the harder ones standing there getting a little teasy with us, which only heightened the feelings of carnage pumping through our veins!

On more than one occasion whilst having a breather i was pushed hard from behind by a persistent local, after the seventh push i didn't think twice i just picked him up and threw him into the middle of the pit with the boys leaping on him like hungry hyenas thirsty for new blood, god help him i thought, i hope he didn't have a camera, cause he won't now! I think i saw him awhile later crawl out of the middle somewhere to the left looking a little confused!

It did at some points though feel like we were moshing full on, throwing each other around and acting like complete idiots, going as hard as you can but at a Britney Spears Charity gig! Iron Maiden just couldn't pull it off in Bali.

It was an awesome night of carnage and good times with good mates, i don't reckon i would go to another Iron Maiden concert as it was a little disappointing, music and performance wise. It was like watching a load of Grandads trying to rock it out and leap around but unable to move to much in case a hip popped out or they dislocated a finger!

The band and the performance to a certain degree did remind me a lot of 'This is Spinal Tap'.

Iron Maiden TV advert... (hit full screen, bottom right)

This is Spinal Tap preview... (hit full screen, bottom right)

If you haven't seen 'This is Spinal Tap', you need to!

Saturday, 26 February 2011

Trans 7 - Koki Cilic (Junior Chef)

I've just got back from Sumatra and as well scoring some really fun waves and having some amazing adventures to Jennys and Banana Island I was luckily enough get invited to go on Trans 7's TV show, Koki Cilic (Junior Chef), a famous Indonesian Children's cooking show.

The show is massive in Indo and the presenter seems to be like a right Celebrity with everyone bussling to take photos of her, well it is Indo after all and the same thing happened to us lot on many occasion, most nights actually sitting on the beach when the local village would turn out with phones at the ready to take pictures of the crazy White people on their beach.

Anyway, whilst standing on the sidelines for sometime waiting for the cooking to finish so i can get a free feed and some attention the boys all seem to notice that i was up to something and that me being me a free feed and some attention was no doubt on the line, within minutes my solo attention spree had turned into a Kernow boys day out with Flea, Orch, Alex and Chris all jumping on the band wagon, i didn't mind though it made it all the more funnier that i wasn't the only non-speaking Indo person about to be asked my opinion on the cooking.

After the show was done the cameras were turned to us and as we all stood there, proud as punch in our Slut Clothing attire, we were offered crispy fried fish with chilli sauce. It wasn't to bad to be honest and i went back for seconds and even thirds when no one was looking!

After being served our food whilst all mumbling Bagus (Indo for good) with the cameras trained on us, they asked us to all stand in line with the presenter in front and shout the shows end strap line whilst waving our hands in the air, problem being none of us speak Indonesian and with twenty people screaming the strap line at us from all angles it was hard to work out what the hell they were on about!

After awhile it was worked out they should write it down and we could then pronounce it, Indonesian is pretty easy you basically speak what you read no silent letters, so with the words written down we all got into position and with cameras rolling we all screamed the amazing strap line, which i can't remember what it is in Indo but it translates to Good Kids Eat Well, or something along those lines. Pretty funny seeing as all the crazy White men they got to shout it were all wearing Slut t'shirts and holding Bintang beers behind their backs!

With our five minutes of fame done we were then grabbed as everyone wanted photos of us with the presenter, which to be honest being Cornwalls most attention seeking Male I was more than happy to oblige as to were the other boys.

We were all pretty amped about it after but even more so when we were recognised in Kuta, Bali about a week later for our five minutes of Indo fame!

If you like the t'shirts above, go get some at Slut Clothing, with free World wide delivery and some awesome tales of debauchery and mayhem they truly are a Clothing company for the future, go get yourself some bargains!

No doubt they will bring you lots of hard earned attention!

Thursday, 24 February 2011

So what have you been up to recently?

I have an apology, I haven't updated Mongamouth for a long time my last post being on the 6th December. But wait, don't be mad, i have excuses and some good ones...

I was drunk
I was working
I was driving
I was adventuring
I was surfing
I was chilling out with friends
I was, just plain and simple busy enjoying and living life

The last couple of months have been an insane progressive and fast pace compliment of movement and mayhem!

I left Exmouth in early January when after about two weeks of 45-50 degree heat and 80% humidity i'd had enough. As my good friend from home, Jonno Waite, was in Exmouth as well we loaded up the Poo Log and turned tail and bailed after saying our goodbyes to some amazing people and within a few hours of making the decision we were on the road.

We had no timetable other than meeting a couple more Kernow wingmen and a winglady in Perth, namely my Brother Louis, his lovely Girlfriend Abby and our surrogate brother Flea, we had no plans other than that, we just hit the road, slept when we were tired and ate when we were hungry. Our first stop was Kalbarri as it's reasonably cheap place to stop although a little out of the way we figured as it was Saturday night we should stop and see what the folks of Kalbarri were up to as it turned out they were having the local Firemans ball, obviously invite only but as Jonno and i are cheeky chappies we blagged our way in and had a good old laugh.

We carried on and stopped at some amazing locations on the way down, the one thing i love about North WA is that when your driving the Highway if you get a bit fed up you can pull over and with some serious off roading involved you can find the most beautiful spots to chill for a day or two, no hassle and no one around as long as you have a 4x4 your laughing.

We meet Louis, Abby and Flea in Perth and among other things enjoyed Margaret River and some of the secret surf spots down there, found interesting new spots and places to camp, hangout and just loved living life on the road. We also ran into some friends from Cornwall in Margs which turned into an amazing few days of fun and adventures.

We smashed up Big Day Out in Perth with myself and Flea causing some interesting reactions to crowd surfing over the top of thousands of people to Iggy Pop and Rammstein, the later being the most impressive live band i have ever seen, truly awe inspiring i felt sorry for the band that had to come on after that all mighty performance!

After Big Day Out and after a good Month or so cruising about the boys went their separate ways, Flea to Indo with Dan and Katy, Louis and Abs to the East coast and Jonno to somewhere in the middle of nowhere, i decided to follow Flea, Dan and Katy to Indo for a bit, more of that another time.

All in all, the last couple of Months after leaving Exmouth have been interesting with some of it pushing me to my limits. I've been so broke that a $1 feed isn't possible without the help of friends and other peoples good nature helping me through, i've driven thousands of Kilometres tired beyond my wits end, i've creased surf boards, damaged myself, nearly pierced my chest with my surfboard, crashed mopeds, passed out, fallen in sewers, lost money, been chased by sharks, hassled for everything i own and slept in random airports sharing the floor space with rats and good friends.

But they're mostly negative, some fun and most funny, I've also endeared sitting on deserted beaches surrounded by good friends, surfing my brains out, honed my off roading skills on some serious terrain, laughed with friends at nearly piercing my chest with the macho quote 'The average person would paddle in!', seen some of Earths most beautiful locations with my Brother, ran down sand dunes, fallen down dunes, walked on tropical islands, farmed coconuts, driven some of the most amazing beach locations WA has to offer with the boys on the roof laughing till they cry, shared some amazing times some drunk most actually but most just when your in your element with people you love and i've learned to be a little more patient with life.

I hope these excuses can justify my absence from Mongamouth and my guarantee that it was all done for you, my avid fans. I will be updating you all soon with some amazing stories, photos and videos from the last couple of Months, just bare with me.

Remember, getting out of your comfort zone is the only way to truly feel free, get out there and get some!