I set up this blog so i could share with you some of the highlights of my life, but I realise that sometimes even when the days are bright and the water clear the fog can set in at anytime and it's easy for anyone to lose their way.
This last week or so has been one of trials and retribution for me, with old ghosts reawakening to haunt me and a concession of events that would test my ability to keep on smiling and stay positive throughout, but as i say, everything happens for a reason... right?.
Things took a turn for the strange last week and just kept getting worse finally ending with the demise of my good friend and rock, Charlie, my beloved 4x4. I was driving down the beach when she decided enough was enough and shot a piston through her engine head, committing suicide and leaving me stranded. I wasn't upset, i wasn't annoyed, i wasn't distraught mainly because of those many events happening for days prior had sent me battling the ghosts and dark emotions from my past that i had tucked away inside and it wasn't a surprise that one of the things i hold dear out here would perish, I just shrugged my shoulders and muttered 'That figures, they all leave in the end.'
I was in a place were I was in a mess but i knew that i could make it better, I just needed to snap out of it.
After a few drinks the following night i decided to phone one of my best friends, Mickey. Mickey and I have had many colourful adventures in our years messing around and discovering life as we both tried to turn into men. He has always had my back and has helped me through some very hard times, with his amazing take on life and his ability to see beauty at every turn he has always been an inspiration for me. That night we talked about many things how he is doing and how i was doing, old adventures, how much we missed each other and couldn't wait to hangout sometime soon. Before we knew it we were both in fits of laughter as if we were stood next to each other enjoying each others company our bond being that strong that no matter what our situations are, we can still laugh with each other. Mickey has had a rough time recently and i think about him everyday wishing i could be there for him and i think that that night we both helped each other, our laughter made me realise that life will throw you bad situations, it's not how they happened or why, it's how we decide to deal with them and remain ourselves.
I made a decision that i was not only going to put the previous week behind me I was finally, after a year of hiding and denial, going to face up to the emotions and turmoil that has haunted me at every turn since August last year.
After speaking to Mickey that night, the following few days seemed lighter as if i had come to turns with the previous week and was turning a new page, I hung out with good friends, made some future plans, caught up on some work, spoke to my parents, whom i miss very much and i made time to appreciate the place i am in right now. I managed to score a good surf it was a swell like i haven't seen up here before and it reminded me of home. 6-8ft, pumping, heavy, fast, waves with weight and big drops all on my own just me with no one and nothing else. The kind of waves that make you concentrate and that nothing no matter how important or messed up it is can touch you whilst you are out there. It was just what i needed and whilst i sat there between sets negotiating the rips I felt like it had been sent for me.
The last couple of days have seemed like this is it, this is my new life, my new beginning this is what i want. My previous life, my previous years no matter how they ended or how they panned out has set me up for what is to come and i am ready.
I have had times in my life where i have felt that i could lose control, that i might be going to far but i have also had my bastion, my Friends and Family who have supported me when i have needed it and I have always had the ability to keep smiling and stay positive when all around negativity tries to creep in.
I have always strived to live life to the max and turning 30 this November and all that has happened is not going to stop that. I will still swim with Sharks, make my Mum cringe, help people to laugh, surf heavy waves and chase girls out of my league because that is me, that is Lloyd Burnard and everything happens for a reason.