Monday, 8 March 2010

Right i'm off, Monga takes on Heathrow!

This is it then, after Months of talking about it, I am actually sat in Heathrow Airport Departure Lounge! I've had one of the easiest trips so far just getting to here.

Thanks to some very good friends Dave and Lynne Waite I had a lift up to Heathrow with a night in the local Travelodge, which I was very surprised with. At £19 a night I was expecting a shitty mattress on the floor whilst sharing an adjoining bathroom with a family of 30, but no, it was tidy, clean and i could poo on my own and in peace!

Dave and Lynne were flying out of Terminal 4 so I had to get a taxi to Terminal 3, which after 4 taxi drivers shouting in a cockney accent 'nah mate, you won't fit that in here, it's massive!' whilst unfortunately referring to my board bag and not my man hood, i found a willing driver and we set off, when i arrived at Terminal 3 I expected a long and arduous hour or two of queueing, arguing and being pushed from pillar to post whilst i fight my way through to the Departure Lounge, but once again i was surprised, as i entered a Singapore Airlines host asked if i was flying with them to which i confirmed 'I most certainly am', I was guided (not pushed or prodded) to an empty check in desk where I was introduce to a very attractive lady called Sarah, we shook hands, yes I know "shook hands" imagine if you did that at a Ryan Air desk, you can only imagine the response, the dead pan look on the battered old hags face whilst she drooled all over herself before telling you that your bags look heavy and that you'll have to pay an excess baggage fee as well as a departure tax! Well not here and not today, i put my board bag on the conveyer belt and without even noting the weight (which i was genuinely worried about) she tagged it up and asked the host to carry it to the trolley for excess baggage, i then put my other check in bag on the conveyer where she again didn't even bat an eye at the weight, tagged it up and handed me my boarding passes, as i stood there dumb struck she asked 'is there anything else' to which i replied 'is that it, can i go?', 'yes the departure lounges are on your right and up the stairs, have a good flight.'

After spending the last three years flying on budget shit airlines I had forgot how efficient proper airlines can be and as i walked off toward the security i presumed that my luck would run out soon and that a lengthy security check would ensue followed by a finger poke to check i wasn't smuggling smack or just because the guard likes the look of my asse, but unbelievably as I walked around the corner there was no one there bar a shed load of security personnel beckoning me to come to them, it was almost like they were trying to get my attention first, like dogs waiting for a stick to be thrown, 'oh me, oh me me me me, chose me!'

I waltzed on through shoes and dignity still present, through to the departure lounge, where i now sit after having some food and buying some books.

I can safely say that so far this trip is going off to a flying start, i know at some point it will all fall apart but not now, i'm on a high and people watching in one of the Wolrds busiest departure lounges is a dream for Monga, cause i like to watch people stressing and doing silly things, for instance i've just seen a young child being chased by an over zealous security guard because she liked the look of a toy in Hamleys so she picked it up and walked out with it, all hell breaks lose and a burly security guard gives chase and this little girl who is laughing her head off just runs around a load of seats, it was like a scene out of a Laurel and Hardy film! Life is good!