The day metal met meat!

Whilst in Bali the other week it was decided that our whole crew should venture out of Kuta and head to Bali's Lotus Pond staging area, basically an absolutely beautiful location that was hundreds if not thousands of years old, to watch non other than Iron Maiden rock out on their Final Frontier World tour.

It was crazy from the moment we left the Hotel Arena in central Kuta with two taxis full to the brim with Kernows finest boozing it up and racing the streets to get us all there before we caused damage to the taxi and/or passing pedestrians.

As soon as we arrived it was full on Iron Maiden/Bali mayhem, with people bustling to get in and sell everything and anything even remotely Iron Maidenish. We sat and chilled to finish our beers and stick some Slut cock stickers on the massive Iron Maiden motif outside, much to the disappointment of the real fans, once finished defacing everything in sight we then headed in.

As soon as we entered there was an issue with Little Andy mumbling that he didn't have a ticket, this caused a bit of a problem as he would more than likely be raped if we left him outside, he's very cute. So Flea offered him his ticket with the idea that myself and Flea being cheeky little chappies and full of Worldly ways would blag Flea in. Andy didn't hang around to see if it did, as soon as he was through the gate he was off leaving Flea stranded with his only hope of entry being left with the blag and a silver tongued Lloyd.

After a repetitive argument with a huge bouncer that was at the same time as arguing with us trying to hold back an onslaught of free loading locals forcing entry through a massive side gate, there must have been a few hundred on the other side all pushing through. I saw my opportunity and lent in and said in the nicest tone i could muster over the din of screaming Balinese,

'Look mate, i can see your busy, i'm not being a blag but my mates a complete tit and he's lost his ticket, just give us a break!'

He looked over my shoulder at the lanky cute faced Flea and replied 'Go on then just fuck off!'

As we walked away high fiving, we heard the gate give way and god knows how many locals overran the poor bloke, maybe two blaggin Cornishman was just to much for him or maybe it was just one to many blaggin bastards before the levi broke!

Knowing we would all lose each other it was prearranged that we would all meet up as close to the front and middle of the stage as possible. This turned out to be very easy as Kernow folk, who are generally stumpy looking compared to most other races, are actually really tall compared to the Balinese!

Once together we caused mayhem up front. One thing that really struck me was that no one wanted to mosh, no one, no shit! No one! Iron Maiden and no mass mosh pit! Everyone other than us lot were more interested in taking pictures with cameras and phones and standing there nodding! Well that was until team Kernow got busy with the moshing!

It got out of hand pretty quick and everyone around us bailed out of the way and left the harder ones standing there getting a little teasy with us, which only heightened the feelings of carnage pumping through our veins!

On more than one occasion whilst having a breather i was pushed hard from behind by a persistent local, after the seventh push i didn't think twice i just picked him up and threw him into the middle of the pit with the boys leaping on him like hungry hyenas thirsty for new blood, god help him i thought, i hope he didn't have a camera, cause he won't now! I think i saw him awhile later crawl out of the middle somewhere to the left looking a little confused!

It did at some points though feel like we were moshing full on, throwing each other around and acting like complete idiots, going as hard as you can but at a Britney Spears Charity gig! Iron Maiden just couldn't pull it off in Bali.

It was an awesome night of carnage and good times with good mates, i don't reckon i would go to another Iron Maiden concert as it was a little disappointing, music and performance wise. It was like watching a load of Grandads trying to rock it out and leap around but unable to move to much in case a hip popped out or they dislocated a finger!

The band and the performance to a certain degree did remind me a lot of 'This is Spinal Tap'.

Iron Maiden TV advert... (hit full screen, bottom right)



This is Spinal Tap preview... (hit full screen, bottom right)



If you haven't seen 'This is Spinal Tap', you need to!

Trans 7 - Koki Cilic (Junior Chef)

I've just got back from Sumatra and as well scoring some really fun waves and having some amazing adventures to Jennys and Banana Island I was luckily enough get invited to go on Trans 7's TV show, Koki Cilic (Junior Chef), a famous Indonesian Children's cooking show.

The show is massive in Indo and the presenter seems to be like a right Celebrity with everyone bussling to take photos of her, well it is Indo after all and the same thing happened to us lot on many occasion, most nights actually sitting on the beach when the local village would turn out with phones at the ready to take pictures of the crazy White people on their beach.

Anyway, whilst standing on the sidelines for sometime waiting for the cooking to finish so i can get a free feed and some attention the boys all seem to notice that i was up to something and that me being me a free feed and some attention was no doubt on the line, within minutes my solo attention spree had turned into a Kernow boys day out with Flea, Orch, Alex and Chris all jumping on the band wagon, i didn't mind though it made it all the more funnier that i wasn't the only non-speaking Indo person about to be asked my opinion on the cooking.

After the show was done the cameras were turned to us and as we all stood there, proud as punch in our Slut Clothing attire, we were offered crispy fried fish with chilli sauce. It wasn't to bad to be honest and i went back for seconds and even thirds when no one was looking!

After being served our food whilst all mumbling Bagus (Indo for good) with the cameras trained on us, they asked us to all stand in line with the presenter in front and shout the shows end strap line whilst waving our hands in the air, problem being none of us speak Indonesian and with twenty people screaming the strap line at us from all angles it was hard to work out what the hell they were on about!

After awhile it was worked out they should write it down and we could then pronounce it, Indonesian is pretty easy you basically speak what you read no silent letters, so with the words written down we all got into position and with cameras rolling we all screamed the amazing strap line, which i can't remember what it is in Indo but it translates to Good Kids Eat Well, or something along those lines. Pretty funny seeing as all the crazy White men they got to shout it were all wearing Slut t'shirts and holding Bintang beers behind their backs!

With our five minutes of fame done we were then grabbed as everyone wanted photos of us with the presenter, which to be honest being Cornwalls most attention seeking Male I was more than happy to oblige as to were the other boys.

We were all pretty amped about it after but even more so when we were recognised in Kuta, Bali about a week later for our five minutes of Indo fame!

If you like the t'shirts above, go get some at Slut Clothing, with free World wide delivery and some awesome tales of debauchery and mayhem they truly are a Clothing company for the future, go get yourself some bargains!

No doubt they will bring you lots of hard earned attention!

So what have you been up to recently?

I have an apology, I haven't updated Mongamouth for a long time my last post being on the 6th December. But wait, don't be mad, i have excuses and some good ones...

I was drunk
I was working
I was driving
I was adventuring
I was surfing
I was chilling out with friends
I was, just plain and simple busy enjoying and living life

The last couple of months have been an insane progressive and fast pace compliment of movement and mayhem!

I left Exmouth in early January when after about two weeks of 45-50 degree heat and 80% humidity i'd had enough. As my good friend from home, Jonno Waite, was in Exmouth as well we loaded up the Poo Log and turned tail and bailed after saying our goodbyes to some amazing people and within a few hours of making the decision we were on the road.

We had no timetable other than meeting a couple more Kernow wingmen and a winglady in Perth, namely my Brother Louis, his lovely Girlfriend Abby and our surrogate brother Flea, we had no plans other than that, we just hit the road, slept when we were tired and ate when we were hungry. Our first stop was Kalbarri as it's reasonably cheap place to stop although a little out of the way we figured as it was Saturday night we should stop and see what the folks of Kalbarri were up to as it turned out they were having the local Firemans ball, obviously invite only but as Jonno and i are cheeky chappies we blagged our way in and had a good old laugh.

We carried on and stopped at some amazing locations on the way down, the one thing i love about North WA is that when your driving the Highway if you get a bit fed up you can pull over and with some serious off roading involved you can find the most beautiful spots to chill for a day or two, no hassle and no one around as long as you have a 4x4 your laughing.

We meet Louis, Abby and Flea in Perth and among other things enjoyed Margaret River and some of the secret surf spots down there, found interesting new spots and places to camp, hangout and just loved living life on the road. We also ran into some friends from Cornwall in Margs which turned into an amazing few days of fun and adventures.

We smashed up Big Day Out in Perth with myself and Flea causing some interesting reactions to crowd surfing over the top of thousands of people to Iggy Pop and Rammstein, the later being the most impressive live band i have ever seen, truly awe inspiring i felt sorry for the band that had to come on after that all mighty performance!

After Big Day Out and after a good Month or so cruising about the boys went their separate ways, Flea to Indo with Dan and Katy, Louis and Abs to the East coast and Jonno to somewhere in the middle of nowhere, i decided to follow Flea, Dan and Katy to Indo for a bit, more of that another time.

All in all, the last couple of Months after leaving Exmouth have been interesting with some of it pushing me to my limits. I've been so broke that a $1 feed isn't possible without the help of friends and other peoples good nature helping me through, i've driven thousands of Kilometres tired beyond my wits end, i've creased surf boards, damaged myself, nearly pierced my chest with my surfboard, crashed mopeds, passed out, fallen in sewers, lost money, been chased by sharks, hassled for everything i own and slept in random airports sharing the floor space with rats and good friends.

But they're mostly negative, some fun and most funny, I've also endeared sitting on deserted beaches surrounded by good friends, surfing my brains out, honed my off roading skills on some serious terrain, laughed with friends at nearly piercing my chest with the macho quote 'The average person would paddle in!', seen some of Earths most beautiful locations with my Brother, ran down sand dunes, fallen down dunes, walked on tropical islands, farmed coconuts, driven some of the most amazing beach locations WA has to offer with the boys on the roof laughing till they cry, shared some amazing times some drunk most actually but most just when your in your element with people you love and i've learned to be a little more patient with life.

I hope these excuses can justify my absence from Mongamouth and my guarantee that it was all done for you, my avid fans. I will be updating you all soon with some amazing stories, photos and videos from the last couple of Months, just bare with me.

Remember, getting out of your comfort zone is the only way to truly feel free, get out there and get some!

When Whales meet

I've been a lucky man recently. Not only have i got some amazing friends out here but they all seem to be into the same thing, all off which are Ocean based.

This particular day started with a plan to Scuba Dive out in the gulf of Exmouth with Clare, Esther, Inday and Dave to see what we could find. I was amped because it's an area renowned for Sharks and other big things and i've wanted to get out to this spot since i got here, with rumours of special moments being had there.

For over 30 minutes we cruised around but saw nothing spectacular and all though it can be amazingly invigorating to be down at depth and taking it all in, i do feel like i need something to share it with and my thoughts were gifted with something extremely rare.

We were graced by not only 2 but 4 male humpback Whales. They cruised in and checked us out and seeing what they liked they hung out with us for ages. We even tried to leave and they followed us, it was an amazing day in the water with all of us just amped with what was happening.

To be so close to such huge Whales and know that they are fully aware of you and what you are doing is something that is truly astonishing. These boys were there to show off and they put on one hell of a show, cruising right at us then diving and rolling right under our feet and thankfully i had my camera rolling the whole time!

When Whales meet from lloyd burnard on Vimeo.

30 years in the brewing, now i'm ready for a sip!

I made it!

There have been some serious times when i have genuinely thought "you know what, i'm never gonna make it to 30 if i carry on like this!"

Times like when i got washed all the way down Anchor Point in Morocco without a breath, when i got PE in my right lung, when i overdosed on Viagra, when i've run into a 20 man fight to help a mate, when i was bottled, when i jumped Castle Rock at low tide, when i swam with sharks, when my Dad found cigarettes on me, when i crashed cars, when i shouted at my Mum, when myself, Dan and Adam had a sink the boat fight in the middle of a Shark filled Caribbean Ocean at night, the numerous times when i've paddled out when normal people would have stayed in, when my Sister punched me in the head and the many times when i've just gone too far!

It's always been in the back of my mind from a very young age that i probably won't make it to far, i've always had something in me that pushes the line and thankfully that line is very flexible. I have shocked myself and somehow i have scraped through to the big 30!

There isn't much i've done in my life so far that i regret, actually there's nothing, what ever i've done it's for a reason. Sometimes a selfish stupid reason but i think it's panned out alright.

At 30 i've...

loved and lost

lived and gained

cried and laughed

jumped and skipt

run and walked

drunk and drank

shouted and whispered

talked and stalked

shagged and gagged

fought and taught

missed and hit

grown and shrunk


30 years in the brewing, now i'm ready for a sip! from lloyd burnard on Vimeo.

The Real Porthleven Challenge 07!

A few years back a couple of good old Kenrow reprebates came up with the idea that building a ramp and jumping off it into shallow harbours would be a good idea.

After a massive night on the piss playing a game we made up called 'The Hot Off!', where you build a tremendously ferocious fire then proceed to see who can get the closest to it daring each other along the way to do things like tops off press ups, the splits and worst of all the back to the fire! That hurts!

Well, anyway. After all that an idea was hatched and created something rather funny, something that has carried on since and that i am proud to be a part of, The Real Porthleven Challenge!

Turtle Touching Time

A few weeks ago I decided to go on an adventure and see if i could find some more Turtles' getting busy as the last footage i got of Turtles mating wasn't great quality.

I know it sounds a little perverted but Turtles getting down and doing the good thing on the wrong foot is quite a spectacular thing to witness as well as very amusing.

It surprises me that they manage to accomplish anything as they seem so out of control and it is always a constant struggle. I'm not sure if it's foreplay but the Female always seems reluctant, typical!

Anyway, i managed to get some amazing footage and thought that if i was a Turtle getting it on i would be grooving to the dulcet tones of Prince, When Doves Cry playing over and over in my head. Always a good one to get anyone in the mood!


Turtle Touching Time from lloyd burnard on Vimeo.

Whaling Around!

Myself, Aaron and Ray were treated to a little show the other day. We were out cruising around in the Gulf on Aarons boat when we spotted a Humpback Whale and her calf just chilling out.

As we cautiously made our way toward them the Mum dived, as they sometimes do, but surprisingly the calf swam over to us to check us out and started showing off. Kids, they never do as they're told!

Mum was happy enough, she just stayed underneath our boat taking it all in and keeping an eye on us, she was probably happy we were baby sitting for awhile so she could have a rest.

We were going to get in the water and really experience it but my past experiences with Humpback Mums has taught me to keep away from their Children! Have a look at one of my previous posts for more on that, Whale Fish!



Whaling Around! from lloyd burnard on Vimeo.

For more footage of the amazing Marine life around Exmouth have a look at another previous post, Liquid Life.

Legends

I've just been emailed some pretty funny photos from my mate Mickeys premier a few years ago. Thanks Riv.

Mickey is a fine young man who is very talented behind the lens as well as in front of it. I remember this premier as it was his first London fling and he invited a handful of us up to bask in his glory of creating a master piece of creativity and amazing surf footage from across the globe, plus nail all the free drinks we could get our hands on and stir up some corporate boffins.

It was an amazing mission getting to London as the premier was scheduled for a mid week showing so a few of us packed out a car with the intention of driving up and chilling out with Mickey, Riv and all the boys, who were already up there, and then driving back for work the next day.

I remember it being a full on traffic mission as we hit london at maximum rush hour and had to take it in turns to find secluded bushes to piss in as we negotiated the traffic lights and other road users. Rohan did an amazing open air mid park pee without anyone noticing whilst pretending to be in the phone, it was truly inspirational stuff!

We made it just in time for the premier where we were met by Mickey, Riv, Lowey, Ferg and loads of other Kernow reprobates that had made the effort for Mig.

The booze started flowing and as the event was sponsored and run by Relentless, part of the Coca Cola family, the booze was all free. Well you had to drink Relentless mixed drinks. If you haven't heard of Relentless it falls in the category of one of those really messed up energy drinks you see all the cool kids on street corners drinking whilst planning their next mugging.

As we watched Mickeys film and i browsed through the free hand outs and started drinking one of the new Relentless flavoured drinks, after three mouthfuls i started having an Asthma attack so i stopped that straight away.

The after party was a weird mix, obviously the Kernow boys were in full swing but amongst the banter were a load of city type folk that all worked for Coca Cola, including the main CC man in Europe. I made a point of telling him that Relentless is bullshit and that i had just had an Asthma attack after three sips, he didn't seemed phased so i tried to sell him some advertising ideas, like the one where i would be naked on the some high cliff somewhere surrounded by mauled naked ladies doing my lion impersonation whilst drinking from a can of Relentless, to say he wasn't into the idea is an understatement.

The night went on and my lift home back to Cornwall left as i decided that it would be inappropriate to leave such an inspirational night.

We ended up in Madam JoJos, which is an amazing transvestite club in Soho, but after some of the St Ives boys decided to start a fight for no reason and Ferg got told off for drinking water we decided to take our partying somewhere else and did we find the best party ever!

We ended up partying at a Deli in Soho till the early hours of the morning dancing the night away whilst the counter staff fed us watched our food fights and joined in with our mental ways. It was the best end to an amazing adventure with some bloody good mates and i thought i would just share it all with you now.

Another November

November has always been a big Month for me with life changing decisions and circumstances presenting themselves throughout the Month.

Not only is it my Birthday Month but i've always noticed that November has always greeted me with something different than the other 11 Months and they are always situations unrelated to the Birthday experience.

I remember passing my Driving test in November, breaking up with girlfriends, coming across money, travelling, meeting inspiring people, moving in with girlfriends, moving out, starting jobs i actually want, being diagnosed with multiple Pulmonary Embolism, having operations and spending time in Hospitals to name only a few examples.

All of them have been trying and have grafted me to the person I am now, i'm not saying that nothing ever happens to me in the other Months of the year but it just seems more noticeable in November.

I know something will happen in the next four weeks that will change my prospective, situation and no doubt bring about change. I just wonder what the hell it's going to be and i just hope that it's a good thing!

On another note, i've started growing my Movember moustache, i've gone for the Mexican/Monga approach, maybe it'll be my lucky charm!

My friend Laura Newbury...

My mate Laura is, although she would never admit it, a very talented lady with pretty much everything she does. She has a talent that is missed by most in that she can see beauty at every turn and has made it her ambition to document it for all those non-believers.

Her blog site is an amazing category of enlightening stories and beautiful images and videos.

She spent some time in Australia last year and i'm looking forward to catching up with her when she is out here next year. She is flying in to the East coast at some point but i'm going to get her and drag her to WA as soon as possible and show her some proper Ozzy weirdness!

You can see some of her talented ramblings at rainbowsendinwishingwells but for a taste this is her most recent scribe on life.


chronicles of nowhereabouts. from laura newbury on Vimeo.


Here's to you LN and thanks for being my favourite FB chat mate. xxx

I've just come across this on my fellow Kernow reprobate Jack Johns blogsite, just loved it so i thought i would share it with you as well.

His blogsite has some other interesting things on it as well, well worth a look. Heirstoall


Foals - Blue Blood from Blink on Vimeo.

Slut Clothing

I've been a lucky boy recently. My friends and mighty nice sponsors at Slut Clothing have sent me a few new items and some abusive stickers to lighten up even the most serious of situations like cop cars, public informations signs and old people when they're not looking.

I've yet to use them to there full extent but i have plans and photo evidence will be available soon. I just have to find a drunk old local that doesn't think i'm gay when I slap a big cock sticker on they're back without them realising and then proceed to take elaborate photos of them in awkward situations/positions, pretty hard in Exmouth i must say, but i will win through! Just don't try this idea at home as old people can easily be mistaken for weak and feeble but they are certainly not all like that!

Besides that, I do genuinely feel privileged to be part of the Slut crew along with some pretty hefty World renowned names and I wear my Slut colours with pride at every possible moment.

But you should all know that they have some mighty fine t'shirts, hoodies, jumpers and apple catchers (undies) as well as loads of other bits and bobs for you all to flaunt your stuff in plus the added bonus of free World wide delivery, not bad if i don't say so myself!

Anyway, go and check out the website. It's not all about the clothing though they have some pretty damn good lifestyle sections to. Click here to view Sluts website.

Cheers to the guys at Slut for the last parcel, keep em' coming!

Kara

Dan has recently got himself a new friend, she is called Kara and is one cute little bitch!

She can be a little tease sometimes and loves to bite but Dan loves her and I think she is pretty damn cool!

We took her down to the beach today, it took a bit but we got her in the water, although she wasn't very happy about it. She was pretty excited to be on the beach though and after half an hour of running around she needed a little snooze, bless her!

Nesting Turtles

Exmouth is one amazing place the last few nights have brought an amazing full Moon that was an awesome sight but not the only spectacular thing happening.

Along with the full Moon the local Turtles all make the mad rush up the West side beaches to lay their eggs. A few of us went down to check it out, the rules are pretty strict about how you act around them.

I know what your all thinking but no, your not allowed to ride them. Although my mate Jake really wanted to and it took a lot of convincing to stop him!

Sorry Aaron

Being my friend sometimes isn't easy. I can be a handful and at times can go to far, which can be funny and create a laugh but can also be painful for my friends. Sorry Aaron but you were in a masochist mood and I was just trying to help you out with that!

WARNING, THIS FILM HAS SOME NAUGHTY LANGUAGE IN IT AND ISN'T REALLY FOR KIDS!

Sorry Aaron from lloyd burnard on Vimeo.

Off the beaten track!

Now the Poo Log is up in Exmouth i thought it was appropriate to take it for an off road adventure. Myself, Luke, Dan and Katy decided a day driving through gorges and beaches was to be had.

Off the beaten track! from lloyd burnard on Vimeo.

Warroora Station

After being back in Exmouth for only a few days since my jaunt to Perth I decided to try out my new friend, Poo Log, at Warroora (pronounced Warra) homestead station a few hours South. There is tale of a few amazing surf breaks there so i was hoping for a good couple of days in the water as the charts all be it a bit small showed some potential.

I tried to round up a couple of mates to join me but everyone was working or to busy to jump town for a couple of days. So it was just me and Poo Log, who if you haven't been keeping track of this blog is a 1985 HJ60 Toyota Land Cruiser.

I left Exmouth at 0630 and arrived in good time to pay the not so hefty price tag of $15, $7.50 a night. I did have one worry though to stay at some homesteads in WA you have to have a portable chemical toilet as there are no facilities what so ever, no toilets, no water, no electricity nothing at all. Well this was a bit of problem as i don't own a chemical toilet and because my plan to leave town was so last minute, the night before, i had no chance to borrow one. So i had to blag it which turned out pretty easy.

I pulled up at the homestead office and was greeted by a bewildered old bush man who was staring at his makeshift reception table and to be honest had the look about him that he wasn't quite sure how he got there or why the hell i was there. After a hardy handshake he asked if i had a toilet i just laughed and said of course what idiot goes to a homestead and doesn't. He didn't laugh he just grumbled away and demanded $15 which i was more than happy to hand over in exchange for two nights and a mud map of the homestead so i wouldn't get lost. I asked if there was any other campers on site to which he replied no and carried on staring at the table with the upmost interest.

So i was off, i drove along for some time just darting around the 4x4 tracks having a great time and putting Poo Log through it's paces. I wasn't to sure where i was going or where i wanted to camp that was until i stumbled across "The Lagoon'. A white sand beach with crystal clear water, i lowered the pressure in Poo Logs tyres and drove down the beach till i got to the far point where there was evidence of previous camp activity. I decided that i would camp here for the first night as i was able to park up about 5 metres from the Indian Ocean and it was the most idilic and peaceful place i have ever stumbled across.

I adventured around a bit more doing some pretty steep and serious off road tracks which Poo Log just ate up and relished, i found beaches covered in bright yellow crabs that were as camera shy as big foot and reef/beach breaks that showed some good potential even in the small swell.

I camped out that night and was joined late in the evening by a nice couple Peter and Liz Upton who were nice enough to cook me dinner and share some funny stories with. The next morning the swell had started to hit so i went exploring and found a couple of good reef breaks that looked near impossible to access without a boat or a bloody great fall off a cliff, i scored a small left hander but not for long as the wind picked up and WA being WA made a bit of a mess of it. I decided to do a bit more exploring further North of where i was and found some seriously good breaks and some beautiful beaches that were completely untouched. I found some amazing 4x4 off road tracks through soft massive sand dunes which Poo Log again lapped up and i only got bogged two or three times, which was my own fault and not the Poo Logs but it was easy enough to get out and carry on.

I set up camp for the second night at another beautiful beach called 14 mile, there were a few old couples down there all with their caravans and all the gear, but i found a secluded spot no more than 10 metres from the ocean and settled in. After a few hours though the wind hadn't dropped off and was almost gale force and i made the decision to head back to Exmouth before it got dark.

I can hand on heart say that Warroora is one of the most amazing places i have ever been to and i will be heading back there as soon as possible. The potential for good waves and good times is very evident and i can't wait to spend some more quality time there soon.

Here's a few photos...

The Lagoon, the bottom right corner is where i camped.















Exploring Warroora





















14 Mile Beach