Mongalloyd Goes Swimming

I'm in Ireland at the moment catching up with mates and having good adventures with so much laughing along the way. I love it out here, Mickey and Riv have been amazing letting me crash at theirs and as Rivs 7 months pregnant i am truly grateful, it can't be easy having a Monga in the house.

We've done some amazing walks, surfed a few amazing spots, got drunk twice (might be a third by the time you read this) and generally just enjoyed being in what can only be described as one of the most beautifully weird and wonderful places in the World.

Generally when Mickey and I get to hang out amazing adventures and stories are formed and cemented in the fabric of camp fire folklore, this trip I am happy to say is no different. Here's a little taste of what we've been up to.

Rollerskating is back in!

After years of Public criticism and abuse my friends and I decided to hide our addiction to Rollerskating from the public domain, since then we have been skating in Helstons underground sewers, back allays and very dark night clubs where most Girls think we just float around the dance floor hovering above the usual riffraff, little do they know we wear wheels!!!!

Now a couple of our skating grooms have made the brave move to express themselves and their dependant life of Rollerskating to the World, not only in Public but on the World Wide Web, you crazy bastards! I have warned them that the World just isn't ready for such antics but I think they may prove me wrong, I'll let you judge!

Good work boys, i'm so proud of you...



You can view my original here.

The outtakes from Black Beauty!

Some behind the scenes action from Black Beauty.

Black Beauty!

Well we had an amazing idea earlier to do some promotional shots for my lovely sponsors Slut, this is what we came up with...

My mate Alana

Ok, i've just had an amazing catch up with my good mate Alana. She has just informed me that she has created a relationship on you tube with someone called Alex.

Now this sounds ok, but when she informed me that she created a video for him, i just had to see it! Watch this, one hot crazy girl pretending to be on a first date with a man she's never met, if only all hot girls were so bold!

I love you Alana you crazy bitch!

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The Kernow King!

For years I have believed that I am in a way, the King of Kernow.

I have circumnavigated Cornwall in the pursuit of fame, femme fatales and fans to build my Kingdom, which i believe one day will free Plymouth from the tyranny of the English and extend my Kingdom across the Tamar! But alas I have been mistaken! For today I met the true King of Kernow, Mr Edward Rowe!

The Kernow King is nothing short of a nice Cornish man, he smiles when he's meant to and laughs sometimes when he's not, he enjoys all things Cornwall, open spaces and girls from Camborne. He even brought up the topic of Dogging, which is something that greatly intrigues me and he was even nice enough to invite me round to his favourite spot to check out the local talent!

The Kernow King has shot to fame recently after winning a string of prizes for creating his own tourist video for Cornwall, in his haste to create something hilarious and fun he inadvertently created a mythical being that has won the hearts and minds of eight to eighty year olds the County over and one I am spell bound by!

We of course met in a suitable location, that being Slut Headquarters in Helston for our quick like minded bedazzling conversation on ideas for the future and everything Kernow and after awhile I felt happy that, if only for short period, Mr. Rowe can succeed my throne. Here's hoping that before I leave the Motherland of Kernow I can carry out some like minded adventures with the King.

Here's a little taste of The Kernow Kings talents and my personal favourite, get on Kernow King!



You can view more of his musings on his youtube page here.

Bubbles and I and our day of destiny

Today was a good day for swell on the North coast of Cornwall but a bad day for my 6'4'' x 19'' x 2 3/8'' surfboard nicknamed, due to me getting drunk and drawing bubbles all over her deck, Bubbles.

Although I try to make a point of riding Leven surfboards, as they are the best I have ever ridden, I do have a few boards that I have purchased secondhand. I bought Bubbles about 3 years ago off of eBay for the bargain price of £150.

Her (I name her a her because it seems weird to imagine oneself riding a male surfboard), previous owner was a nice man from Bristol who with more money than sense, had bought her to go on holiday to the Canary Islands. He had only surfed Bubbles twice whilst away and on they're return his wife had put her foot down, telling him that the board goes or she does, lucky for me he chose the board, although his wife was very pretty and although I offered him the £150 for her, he declined, she did look a little to high maintenance to be honest.

I was very impressed with my purchase and myself and Bubbles have travelled together since. We've surfed together in Ireland, France, Fuerteventura and all over Cornwall and Wales many times. I have grown to learn Bubbles unique style and have grown fond of surfing with her, as with Humans boards can be just as individual, but today was to much for my mate Bubbles.

Myself and Ian Ridge paddled out at a certain spot somewhere on the North Coast of Cornwall at a very low tide. It was a bit windy but there were lines stacked to the horizon, it looked like a classic session with the added bonus that there was no one in and it looked solid.

After an hour or so in we had both scored some fun waves with the occasional barrel thrown in for good measure, all was going swimmingly until for about twenty minutes the tide turned and rips appeared everywhere, not necessarily a bad thing at this certain spot as it holds up the face a little longer for you to make it around sections or pull in.

As i paddled into position for the first wave of a set the rip went full steam and the face of the wave jumped, i dropped into the pocket getting a nice cover up instantly and stayed in a good position for what felt like a few seconds until the wave broke past the rip and raced ahead of me with no chance of pumping through the section, what followed was an almighty shut down and kicking.

When i finally surfaced I knew the board was snapped beyond repair, as i looked at Bubbles her nose was a full ninety degrees to her deck but before i had chance to grab her and check it out, I had the second set wave bearing down on me and with no chance to grab Bubbles, i hit the deck. When i surfaced from another good shoeing I grabbed what was left of Bubbles and made my way in looking for the other half.

Once in I said my farewells and collected the pieces and made my way back to the car, all be it amped for a good session I was a little disheartened that my good friend Bubbles had met her match.

Bubbles and I at Lev a few days ago

Bubbles and I on home turf, high tide Praa Sands 2009

Sorry old bean...

...you will be missed.

  

Home comings and goings!

Well, i've been home for about two weeks now. It's been a shock to the system but i'm finally settling back into the ebb and flow of life in Cornwall.

My flight back was hardly as adventurous as i hoped just a dull 26 hours of sitting, waiting, watching and every now and then drinking. When I did land in Heathrow i was greeted by typical English weather, a barmy 1 degree with cold winds from the North plus a little drizzle thrown in for good measure. Seeing as i hadn't been below 30 degrees for a whole year, it was hard to grasp at first and i had to be asked to leave the plane!

I was so shocked and brain dead that i didn't even notice my Dad, who had come to pick me up, sneaking up on me at Heathrows terminal 3 arrivals lounge, he literally scared the shit out of me. But as it had been exactly a whole year since we last saw each other it was so good to see him again. I didn't cry but I like to think my Dad and I are very close and it was nice to be back in his company. We drove the 4 hours or so South West to Cornwall, reminiscing along the way of times past and with me giving great detail on my adventures, although he had heard them a hundred times before, over the phone and reading this blog, he listened intently  and nodded in all the right places.

When we arrived home to surprise my Mum, who had no idea i was coming back, had decided to go shopping or something along those lines. With my ballon a little deflated I had to kick around for an hour waiting for her to return. When she did I hid in a spare room and snuck out on her whilst she had her back turned. I made no sound as I stood right behind her and as she turned around she was greeted by her youngest Son, who was meant to be 12,000 miles away in North West Australia, stood there all brown and blue eyed smiling from ear to ear. She obviously screamed and we had a good old hug and kiss, i had missed my Mum a lot as well. And over the next few hours I again went through my adventures of the last year and again even though she had heard them all before she listened intently and nodded in the right places, it was good to be home.

Since then it has been a roller coaster of fun and misadventure. I know one fact for sure, way to much alcohol has been consumed in the last two weeks and my body is craving warm waters and days of sun kissed paradise. That said it has been great coming home and seeing all my Friends and Family and having some classic catch ups along the way.

But I have been a bit melancholy today and have been watching some of my films that I put together over the last year.

Liquid LIfe is one of my favourites as it highlights the possibilities you find yourself in if you only carry out the adventures you seek. I remember every minute of filming all these amazing moments in the first few months of being in Exmouth WA and the people I was with and all of whom I miss very much and look forward to seeing you all again very soon.

Here's to you my Friends. x

The day metal met meat!

Whilst in Bali the other week it was decided that our whole crew should venture out of Kuta and head to Bali's Lotus Pond staging area, basically an absolutely beautiful location that was hundreds if not thousands of years old, to watch non other than Iron Maiden rock out on their Final Frontier World tour.

It was crazy from the moment we left the Hotel Arena in central Kuta with two taxis full to the brim with Kernows finest boozing it up and racing the streets to get us all there before we caused damage to the taxi and/or passing pedestrians.

As soon as we arrived it was full on Iron Maiden/Bali mayhem, with people bustling to get in and sell everything and anything even remotely Iron Maidenish. We sat and chilled to finish our beers and stick some Slut cock stickers on the massive Iron Maiden motif outside, much to the disappointment of the real fans, once finished defacing everything in sight we then headed in.

As soon as we entered there was an issue with Little Andy mumbling that he didn't have a ticket, this caused a bit of a problem as he would more than likely be raped if we left him outside, he's very cute. So Flea offered him his ticket with the idea that myself and Flea being cheeky little chappies and full of Worldly ways would blag Flea in. Andy didn't hang around to see if it did, as soon as he was through the gate he was off leaving Flea stranded with his only hope of entry being left with the blag and a silver tongued Lloyd.

After a repetitive argument with a huge bouncer that was at the same time as arguing with us trying to hold back an onslaught of free loading locals forcing entry through a massive side gate, there must have been a few hundred on the other side all pushing through. I saw my opportunity and lent in and said in the nicest tone i could muster over the din of screaming Balinese,

'Look mate, i can see your busy, i'm not being a blag but my mates a complete tit and he's lost his ticket, just give us a break!'

He looked over my shoulder at the lanky cute faced Flea and replied 'Go on then just fuck off!'

As we walked away high fiving, we heard the gate give way and god knows how many locals overran the poor bloke, maybe two blaggin Cornishman was just to much for him or maybe it was just one to many blaggin bastards before the levi broke!

Knowing we would all lose each other it was prearranged that we would all meet up as close to the front and middle of the stage as possible. This turned out to be very easy as Kernow folk, who are generally stumpy looking compared to most other races, are actually really tall compared to the Balinese!

Once together we caused mayhem up front. One thing that really struck me was that no one wanted to mosh, no one, no shit! No one! Iron Maiden and no mass mosh pit! Everyone other than us lot were more interested in taking pictures with cameras and phones and standing there nodding! Well that was until team Kernow got busy with the moshing!

It got out of hand pretty quick and everyone around us bailed out of the way and left the harder ones standing there getting a little teasy with us, which only heightened the feelings of carnage pumping through our veins!

On more than one occasion whilst having a breather i was pushed hard from behind by a persistent local, after the seventh push i didn't think twice i just picked him up and threw him into the middle of the pit with the boys leaping on him like hungry hyenas thirsty for new blood, god help him i thought, i hope he didn't have a camera, cause he won't now! I think i saw him awhile later crawl out of the middle somewhere to the left looking a little confused!

It did at some points though feel like we were moshing full on, throwing each other around and acting like complete idiots, going as hard as you can but at a Britney Spears Charity gig! Iron Maiden just couldn't pull it off in Bali.

It was an awesome night of carnage and good times with good mates, i don't reckon i would go to another Iron Maiden concert as it was a little disappointing, music and performance wise. It was like watching a load of Grandads trying to rock it out and leap around but unable to move to much in case a hip popped out or they dislocated a finger!

The band and the performance to a certain degree did remind me a lot of 'This is Spinal Tap'.

Iron Maiden TV advert... (hit full screen, bottom right)



This is Spinal Tap preview... (hit full screen, bottom right)



If you haven't seen 'This is Spinal Tap', you need to!

Trans 7 - Koki Cilic (Junior Chef)

I've just got back from Sumatra and as well scoring some really fun waves and having some amazing adventures to Jennys and Banana Island I was luckily enough get invited to go on Trans 7's TV show, Koki Cilic (Junior Chef), a famous Indonesian Children's cooking show.

The show is massive in Indo and the presenter seems to be like a right Celebrity with everyone bussling to take photos of her, well it is Indo after all and the same thing happened to us lot on many occasion, most nights actually sitting on the beach when the local village would turn out with phones at the ready to take pictures of the crazy White people on their beach.

Anyway, whilst standing on the sidelines for sometime waiting for the cooking to finish so i can get a free feed and some attention the boys all seem to notice that i was up to something and that me being me a free feed and some attention was no doubt on the line, within minutes my solo attention spree had turned into a Kernow boys day out with Flea, Orch, Alex and Chris all jumping on the band wagon, i didn't mind though it made it all the more funnier that i wasn't the only non-speaking Indo person about to be asked my opinion on the cooking.

After the show was done the cameras were turned to us and as we all stood there, proud as punch in our Slut Clothing attire, we were offered crispy fried fish with chilli sauce. It wasn't to bad to be honest and i went back for seconds and even thirds when no one was looking!

After being served our food whilst all mumbling Bagus (Indo for good) with the cameras trained on us, they asked us to all stand in line with the presenter in front and shout the shows end strap line whilst waving our hands in the air, problem being none of us speak Indonesian and with twenty people screaming the strap line at us from all angles it was hard to work out what the hell they were on about!

After awhile it was worked out they should write it down and we could then pronounce it, Indonesian is pretty easy you basically speak what you read no silent letters, so with the words written down we all got into position and with cameras rolling we all screamed the amazing strap line, which i can't remember what it is in Indo but it translates to Good Kids Eat Well, or something along those lines. Pretty funny seeing as all the crazy White men they got to shout it were all wearing Slut t'shirts and holding Bintang beers behind their backs!

With our five minutes of fame done we were then grabbed as everyone wanted photos of us with the presenter, which to be honest being Cornwalls most attention seeking Male I was more than happy to oblige as to were the other boys.

We were all pretty amped about it after but even more so when we were recognised in Kuta, Bali about a week later for our five minutes of Indo fame!

If you like the t'shirts above, go get some at Slut Clothing, with free World wide delivery and some awesome tales of debauchery and mayhem they truly are a Clothing company for the future, go get yourself some bargains!

No doubt they will bring you lots of hard earned attention!

The Real Porthleven Challenge 07!

A few years back a couple of good old Kenrow reprebates came up with the idea that building a ramp and jumping off it into shallow harbours would be a good idea.

After a massive night on the piss playing a game we made up called 'The Hot Off!', where you build a tremendously ferocious fire then proceed to see who can get the closest to it daring each other along the way to do things like tops off press ups, the splits and worst of all the back to the fire! That hurts!

Well, anyway. After all that an idea was hatched and created something rather funny, something that has carried on since and that i am proud to be a part of, The Real Porthleven Challenge!

Warroora Station

After being back in Exmouth for only a few days since my jaunt to Perth I decided to try out my new friend, Poo Log, at Warroora (pronounced Warra) homestead station a few hours South. There is tale of a few amazing surf breaks there so i was hoping for a good couple of days in the water as the charts all be it a bit small showed some potential.

I tried to round up a couple of mates to join me but everyone was working or to busy to jump town for a couple of days. So it was just me and Poo Log, who if you haven't been keeping track of this blog is a 1985 HJ60 Toyota Land Cruiser.

I left Exmouth at 0630 and arrived in good time to pay the not so hefty price tag of $15, $7.50 a night. I did have one worry though to stay at some homesteads in WA you have to have a portable chemical toilet as there are no facilities what so ever, no toilets, no water, no electricity nothing at all. Well this was a bit of problem as i don't own a chemical toilet and because my plan to leave town was so last minute, the night before, i had no chance to borrow one. So i had to blag it which turned out pretty easy.

I pulled up at the homestead office and was greeted by a bewildered old bush man who was staring at his makeshift reception table and to be honest had the look about him that he wasn't quite sure how he got there or why the hell i was there. After a hardy handshake he asked if i had a toilet i just laughed and said of course what idiot goes to a homestead and doesn't. He didn't laugh he just grumbled away and demanded $15 which i was more than happy to hand over in exchange for two nights and a mud map of the homestead so i wouldn't get lost. I asked if there was any other campers on site to which he replied no and carried on staring at the table with the upmost interest.

So i was off, i drove along for some time just darting around the 4x4 tracks having a great time and putting Poo Log through it's paces. I wasn't to sure where i was going or where i wanted to camp that was until i stumbled across "The Lagoon'. A white sand beach with crystal clear water, i lowered the pressure in Poo Logs tyres and drove down the beach till i got to the far point where there was evidence of previous camp activity. I decided that i would camp here for the first night as i was able to park up about 5 metres from the Indian Ocean and it was the most idilic and peaceful place i have ever stumbled across.

I adventured around a bit more doing some pretty steep and serious off road tracks which Poo Log just ate up and relished, i found beaches covered in bright yellow crabs that were as camera shy as big foot and reef/beach breaks that showed some good potential even in the small swell.

I camped out that night and was joined late in the evening by a nice couple Peter and Liz Upton who were nice enough to cook me dinner and share some funny stories with. The next morning the swell had started to hit so i went exploring and found a couple of good reef breaks that looked near impossible to access without a boat or a bloody great fall off a cliff, i scored a small left hander but not for long as the wind picked up and WA being WA made a bit of a mess of it. I decided to do a bit more exploring further North of where i was and found some seriously good breaks and some beautiful beaches that were completely untouched. I found some amazing 4x4 off road tracks through soft massive sand dunes which Poo Log again lapped up and i only got bogged two or three times, which was my own fault and not the Poo Logs but it was easy enough to get out and carry on.

I set up camp for the second night at another beautiful beach called 14 mile, there were a few old couples down there all with their caravans and all the gear, but i found a secluded spot no more than 10 metres from the ocean and settled in. After a few hours though the wind hadn't dropped off and was almost gale force and i made the decision to head back to Exmouth before it got dark.

I can hand on heart say that Warroora is one of the most amazing places i have ever been to and i will be heading back there as soon as possible. The potential for good waves and good times is very evident and i can't wait to spend some more quality time there soon.

Here's a few photos...

The Lagoon, the bottom right corner is where i camped.















Exploring Warroora





















14 Mile Beach

Long Lashes Liam

Long Lashes Liam
Was a boy of Fourteen
Very straight and very lean
But not all was well and not all could be seen


His lashes were long and his head was bald
For Liam was different but not at all mauled
His eyes so blue, so telling and true


He would try to eat food but would end up in a fowl mood
Every meal would feel like a test before the clean up of all that mess
With Burgers and Bananas caught in his lashes
It was a wonder why he never wore safety glasses


His Mother would cry
'Oh, Long Lashes Liam why are you so different. You were born with lashes as long as a cows, we just don't why and we just don't know how!'


Long Lashes Liam would reply
'But Mother is there nothing we can do, no Doctor, no Surgeon you could take me to?'


For all the Doctors in the land had been and seen our young lad
All had left bemused and feeling rather sad
Nothing could be done for Long Lashes Liam
No operation, surgery and no one else to see him
He was left alone with his own feelings


Then one day when enough was enough
Liam grabbed them by their scruff and pulled and pulled till his eyes felt rough
He pulled so hard hair began sprouting on his head
A miracle it was they all said
He pulled so hard his eye brows sprouted
A sight he nearly doubted


He pulled some more till the length of his lashes
Became nothing more than small little dashes

Now Long Lashes Liam is no longer
His lashes normal, his head of hair, his bushy brows they are all there
No need to look no need to stare
For Liam is normal no longer with his flair of rare hair






Written by Lloyd Burnard

Mongalloyd, you God among men, you may STAY!

Well, i was slightly surprised when i was accepted by the Commonwealth of Australia for my first years working holiday visa, now i'm absolutely flabbergasted that they have only gone and extended it, thats right i've been accepted to stay for another year!

I can see it now the same men in high powered suits that accepted my first years visa sat hundreds of miles away in front of a huge executive conference table discussing the days goings on with their Superior, when out of nowhere runs in a lonesome, but slightly handsome office clerk, called Gregory (the same one who was delighted at my first application), screaming at the top of his voice,

"He's applied, he's applied Sir, Sir he's applied!"

To which his superior states
"My, my Gregory, who do you mean!"

Barely able to control himself Gregory replies at fast pace and in a slightly high pitched squeal,

"Mongalloyd Sir, Mongalloyd wants to stay Sir, in Australia Sir, by the tuff of a Kangaroos ball sack Sir, on my shift, he applies for an extension, an extension on my shift! I can't wait to tell my Wife Sir, she's a huge fan! She's followed him religiously since he set up his Blog, he's had such amazing adventures Sir!"

"Calm yourself Gregory, yes, yes I too have been following his Blog he is surely a God among Men. If this is true, Gregory then I want you to approve his application straight away, don't fanny about now Gregory we can't have him getting upset and thinking we don't care about him!"

Gregory nodding enthusiastically turns to leave before his superior shouts,

"Oh Gregory, don't forget to make sure that you've deleted Monga's discrepancies from his record, will you, we wouldn't want some low life Customs Officer or Police Officer thinking they're in charge of the great Monga's destiny, we want him to stay and feel welcome and comfortable here, if he says one bad thing about us it could be the downfall of our society!"

At this last statement and as Gregory shuts the door, all the Men around the table nod, chin down eyes up, with a mixture of fear and excitement etched on their faces showing they understand what could happen and all trying to contemplate the possibilities should they meet Mongalloyd in the flesh.

Here I am Oz, can you handle another 18 Months of it?

Moons got crabs!

After our little peep show with the Turtles, previous post, we found a whole dead sand crab that looked in good condition on the beach. Katy picked it up and was intrigued by it, in the similar way a dog is intrigued by a sand covered tennis ball. She was staring at it with a blank expression on her face tilting her head from side to side, it was as if she was trying to decide what to do with it, i could only imagine the possibilities running through her mind.

But before she could decide on her own, Dan who must have also noticed the conundrum Katy had found herself in blurted out 'Put it in your mouth!'. Suddenly it was as if someone had turned on the light, Katy now realised that that was exactly what she was meant to do with it and after a few moments of figuring out how, she went for it, it took her a few attempts to work out whether or not to put it in bum first or claws first. All of these mind grabbing moments and not once did she think 'Why would I put that in my mouth?'.

Once it was firmly grasped between her lips, like that drooling happy dog grinning at fitting the whole sand covered ball in its mouth she looked elated for a few seconds happy with her achievement. I think it was then that Katy realised what she was doing and promptly spat it, i still can't believe the simple nature of that fair child Katy Moon, definitely one of my highlights for that day, thank you.

Feral Fery

Feral Fery started life a little bit rough
His climb up through Mummies rough just wasn't enough
His way was to be harder than most
A speeding juggernaut with no time to stop
Put an end to his Mummies clock

Hero EJ was on hand
She set him free
And with her merry band
Began the journey of helping young Fery stand

All be it in reasonable health
Young Fery was in no state to look after himself

The vets was the only option
No potions, lotions or magical concoction
Just a good feed a caring adoption

Now Feral Fery is in safe hands
One day he will grow and begin to stand
At first a hop and then a bound
He will be up up up and around

Written by Lloyd Burnard















Not much to do with the story but i thought i looked good with fake pigs ears

To Coral Bay we shall go...

After a bloody good knees up watching a touring band called 'The Sneaky Weasel Club' last Wednesday it was mentioned that they were playing in Coral Bay the following night, which is an hour or so South of Exmouth, so after discussing some finer points with the band and a little convincing from Finny (in the red checker shirt) and Nick (in the black jumper), it was decided we were off to Coral bay. Not much convincing i might add something along the lines of;

Finny...
'Hey Lloyd, fancy going to Coral Bay to get smashed tomorrow, this band are playing again'
Nick...
'Yeh lets tear up Coral Bay, it'll be funny as fuck'
MongaLloyd...
'Well I have lots on, i mean i could reschedule my hair appointment but i'm not sure about the Lloyds gay time and his manicure, he needs a good rest after a big bender nowwa days, i'll see what i can do, i'll keep you posted, ok.'

Ok, ok. I lied i didn't say any of that. In fact I just looked them dead in the eye drooled a bit and slurred...
'Fuck yeh, hows we gettin there, cause i'm way to pissed to drive straight and for that long without hurting someone!'

So it was arranged i convinced Dan to join us and our good friend Karen and that was it an adventure in Coral Bay was set in stone, although it was agreed that i shouldn't drive.

It turned out to be a night full of mystery and weirdos and weirdness, mainly weirdos meaning mainly us lot. Myself, Dan and Karen rocked up about 6 with Nick and Finny already on it and causing trouble in the local backpackers, it didn't take us long to join in. We met some fellow numbskulls and proceeded to the local pub.

Coral Bays local pub is revered all over WA, not because of it's idilic surroundings, amazing location or it's somewhat mishap characteristics but for one thing and one thing only. It's the only bar outside of Perth where you can buy shots! I'm not kidding people drive for hours to come here to get smashed on Yager Bombs, Titty Twisters and just good old fashioned Sambuca!

After lots of said shots some serious dancing was to be had on the somewhat small dancing area when the band kicked off, don't worry it conveniently had a pole in the middle so Monga managed to impress everyone with his amazing pole dancing/strip tease dance moves, i'm not sure if when drunk i've been to to many strip joints or i've worked at them, either way, I know how to work the pole!

Monga also tried to explain the Cock or Balls game to anyone who would listen, most of you won't of heard of it, it's a game I use to get the night going and to make people relax and feel at ease with one another. Basically you pull out either your cock or your balls whilst trying to mask its true appearance and get people to guess 'Cock or Balls?' easy really, but, heed my warning, it can go wrong.

And unfortunately for Finny, it did. He just didn't get it and Nick was almost there but the game somehow got lost in translation and ended up with both of them dropping their trousers and walking around shouting 'COCK OR BALLS, COCK OR BALLS?!'.

Although highly amusing and impressively confident it didn't go down the storm it was meant to, Finny even argued with the Management that it was a legitimate game and that it would be unfair to punish him for it, he was saying this whilst Dan was doing his trousers up for him, there's a photo of it in the slideshow and below it I had to blur out the offending implement as i'm not sure Finny would want it blasted over the net, anyway all be it a feeble excuse when there's 70 angry parents and other patrons weighed out by the 20 or so that did find it very funny. But give him his due he pulled it off and didn't get the boot.

It all gets a little blurry after that but it was one messy and hilariously funny night, it just proves that no matter where you are in the World like minded amazing people are always there to hangout and cause a scene with, cheers to everyone that laughed with us and the same to some of you that laughed at us!

How to have fun, lesson one...

Lesson number one is; If your going to do something, make sure you do it the funnest way possible.

Well, another amazing day in NWA. Although slightly tired and hungover plus the added bonus of a really burnt nose from surfing all day yesterday, myself, Dan and a few others decided to have a look at a nice beach i found the other week, it's an amazing spot with no one around. You have to get to it over a sandy track. Here's a little video of the trip back to the main road.

Biff Bosh Bash...

The local break here, Dunes, was pumping yesterday a bit windy but 6ft sets and clean. I surfed first thing in the Morning and being the first in the water is always exciting and i got a little carried away, as i was making my way in i wasn't paying proper attention to how the reef had changed over the last couple of days. What sand there is has shifted over the last few days, and unearthed a nasty ledge i haven't seen before.

Well unfortunately i went plowing into it toe first, creating a rather fetching slice right down the middle of my big toe. Annoyed but unperturbed i carried on and surfed for a good 3 hours whilst a good amount of blood flowed into the Indian Ocean and no doubt attracted some men in grey suits. I did see a couple of fins but i don't think i have the right blood type for sharks anyway.

I know it's only a small slice but it's hell deep and i feel a good job was done indeed. Once home i scrubbed it with limes and give it a good clean, i filmed the scrubbing bit as i thought this might entertain some of you and disturb the rest, it stung like a bitch!

Cleaning products


Before scrubbing


After scrubbing


Thats a bit better